What is your legacy?

First, I am going to just tell everyone and choose to not be embarrassed by a new adventure in my life. Last weekend I took a little girl home for her mother. Turns out she had lice, and turns out that I got it as well. With a quick visit to the apotheke (pharmacy) and a few treatments and washing my sheets and clothes and disinfecting everything, everything is fine and gone. xx It's been a learning experience and even though it freaked me out, and the pharmacist had to explain all in german and assure me with a smile that this is normal and i'm not a social outcast or dirty because I had lice, Father has truly taught me through it.

So yeah... but more importantly:
I have been reading Ephesians 1 for the past two weeks. Originally it would be that I would read Ephesians in a week. Then, as I was enthralled by Ephesians 1 alone, I decided I would read one chapter a week. Two weeks later, I am still captivated and daily reading Ephesians 1. I'll eventually get to the 2nd chapter...

There are many things that fascinate me about the first chapter of Ephesians. On surface level these are things I know and have heard and believe, but as I have taken the time to really sit on and dwell on the words and what Christ was saying through Paul, I am allured more and more into the word. I wish you were here with me. I am sitting in my dorm room, and even though my room isn't the most wonderful accommodation, one thing I love about it is the view. It's not too grandiose, but I can sit at my desk, and stare through the huge european window (much cooler than the ones in the states) at the trees, or the rooftops or the busyness of city life and breathe it all in. I sit here, reflecting on life and the one that Father has given to me, and I pray that He would give me his wisdom and knowledge, but what is striking me today in the first chapter of Ephesians is the prayer that my heart would be enlightened.

I have recently begun to read The Sacred Romance, and as I read in correlation to Ephesians 1 I am feeling an obligation to pray for the resurrection of my heart. An obligation to truly return to my first love, Christ.

Many of you have heard me say that one of my favorite things to do is sit in a coffee shop, stare out the window and get lost in thought or in writing. Whether that is writing for self, a letter to others, or even writing for class, it's in those moments that I feel peace. I feel romanced, a wooing if you will. I know and believe that those feelings are of Christ. We've all felt this. I'm convinced of it. I remember feeling this love and this pursuance so intensely while sitting on a bench in Köln, crying and letting the rain soak me, as I learned new things about life, my life, the life I was being called to, and our Creator. In one way or another every single person has felt this wooing by Christ, we just don't know how to place a finger on what or who these feelings are coming from.

So... dare I say it? I long for Christ to be my lover, to pursue me, I long to have an affair with Him, that he would search me and know my heart and know me intimately. I want to know more of this Christ. I long for him to open and enlighten my heart.


Me being Kenyan

She walked slowly down the side walk as the rain misted down on her bare skin. She shuddered and pulled her coat on, and looked to the train on her left, "no I'll walk," she thought. She turned on the ipod put her backpack on her back and began the 20 minute walk home. Halfway home, she stopped, turned her face to the rain and the clouds and smiled. "Thank You."

I've been drawn to prayer lately. Not just a "oh i'm praying for you" prayer, but really, really TRULY praying. I've been reading Ephesians I began chapter 1 last week, and... well, honestly? I'm still in chapter 1. On surface level, I read it and think "oh, i know this." but do I? Do I really know and believe and dwell on what I'm reading? So I'm reading and I'm praying what I read. I don't want to study to memorize or study because I'm supposed to, but I want to know more of this God I worship. He loves me enough to teach me through situations and experiences and ups and downs, and through his word. He has allowed me to see sides of him, and a new side of him that I am truly in love with-- I want to learn more about this God.

I say I want to obtain reality. I'm learning that the only reality is Christ. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That's truth, that's reality, nothing else is.

nothing else.

Today, as I was reading in Acts 4, I was reminded of what brought me to this year in Germany, and where my heart is currently lying. Today I found myself upset at the thought that I may never live permanently overseas, but Father reminded me of something great today...

"... grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus." And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." - Acts 4:29(b)-31


Well let me explain a little of my story, even if you already know it... In the beginning of my high school years, I was introduced to a book "The Iron Curtain" by Brother Andrew. I fell in love with the book, his story, and longed to live a life such as he. In fact since then, I challenged myself to pray for the 'iron curtain' - 10/40 window whenever my clock said 10:40 I would pray. Still to this day if i catch that time on a clock, I have to pray. I was a "leader" in the youth. Not a bad kid, I always seemed to have the "right" answers, but felt like something deeper was missing and I longed to be challenged. My sophomore/junior year I read Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, and also books such as "Cost of Discipleship," and of course Don't Waste your Life by John Piper (who DIDN'T read that?!). I was intrigued. I knew there was more. I knew I didn't want to get lost in things such as apologetics and know all the theology behind things. I just longed for more. My junior year I was at Hot Hearts, where I was approached by Brad, given a card for iWit and some literature and I went on my merry way. A few days later I found myself with a deep longing to go overseas. After meetings with my youth minister, it seemed as if my youth group would have the chance to go, but we hit some bruises and hiccups and with other things going on my youth minister ended up leaving, feeling called elsewhere (going to bacon heights, linley's church! - i need to throw that in, simply for kicks). I felt as if I had lost all support. Why was I dreaming this big? "Me? overseas? I never have money to go to camp, and that is only $200. " I didn't apply, but already a recommendation had been sent into iWit. Around February of my senior year I received a phone call from Ky, telling me they were interested in me applying based on the recommendation. I applied. Japan. By this time I had a new youth minister. I was told by the church staff I couldn't present the trip to the church and ask for support. I wanted to give up. Perhaps God wasn't calling me to this after all. Perhaps I was going for selfish reasons. I received all the money, I left and God broke my heart for his people, for the nations. I left Japan knowing this is what Father was calling me to... to speak his name, to live intentionally. Since then, He has taught me more. I'm learning that overseas or not, life is the same, people are the same, and most importantly my GOD, my KING, my SUSTAINER is the same. So thus, this heart that once beat for "being in a foreign land" is learning that wherever God calls her, whether that is Germany, Japan, Dallas or even places like San Angelo and the like, Texas, that there is life there, there ARE lives there calling out, calling out for a savior. I want to live intentionally, i want to Christ to use me, to live through me, to reach people through me. Even if that means I have a "normal" job, in a non-exotic place, in a culture that is very much my own. And you know, if he calls me overseas, dang. i'll go, but it's not a priority... where he leads, there i must follow.

It's amazing how much changes in 4 years, how it feels like just yesterday and a million years ago at the same time. I've spent the past hour looking through old online albums from when i was in highschool, and i don't know it's cool to see who I was, how i've completely changed -- some changes good, some not so much. It's amazing to look at pictures of myself before i had any idea of how missional my heart would become, pictures from when my heart was changing and feeling my heart growing, and what's cool is that... we never stop growing. interesting.


I'm reading the bible chronologically and it's incredibly interesting. I've been thinking a lot about Noah, even though i haven't read about him for two weeks, he won't leave my mind. I keep imagining a sunny day, the birds chirping in the air, people busy-ing themselves with life, running errands, meeting friends, laughing, enjoying life. And amongst all the business I see Noah. I see him in silence, alone. Praying and weeping, calling out. I see him confused, but willing. I see him grab his tools to work and I see him beginning to build. I SEE his faith. Matthew Henry said "Every blow of his [Noah's] and hammers was a call to repentance, a call to them to prepare arks too." Amongst all the things of this world, I want to be able to hear God's calling. I want to be obedient, even when I cannot understand. I want to ask for forgiveness, and plead with the Lord to help me live in HIS ways and not my own.


Father has been reminding me to abide in Him the past few days. I was reading an article quoting Hudson Taylor, which said "As I thought of the Vine and branches [in John 15], what light the blessed Spirit poured into my soul! I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. The vine is not the the root merely, but all -- root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit. And Jesus is not only that: He is the soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we ever dreamed wish for or needed. Oh, the joy of seeing this truth! I have seen it long enough in the Bible, but I believe it now as a living reality. I have now got to make myself a branch."


Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you. Abide in my love - Jesus, John 15



I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Ezekiel 36: 26-27

also please visit this link, a video and some pictures put together for me by one of my closest friends here!!

I feel sometimes that we live in competition. We don't live for God. We live to be noticed. We don't live to even be noticed by God, but we live to be noticed by fellow believers. Look how godly I am! Look how much I know! Look what verses I can recite! Look and listen to me pray! Look how much in love I am with God! And then I sometimes stop and wonder... how disgusted is God with me, because I sometimes do this? We forget who we are worshiping. We get wrapped up in ourselves and our image, even fooling ourselves that we are "really" wrapped up in God. I want to look full in his wonderful face. I want the REALITY of him, even though it hurts, even though I may not know as much as the person who sits next to me at bible study, even if I don't raise my hands during worship, even if i do. If I have tattoos or don't. I'm tired of the "Christian culture" and i'm ready to know God.

"For I know my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth. And after all my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me." - Job (19 25-27)

Yesterday I caught a drunk guy trying to pick pocket me, so that was exciting. He didn't get anything though. And today I watched another drunk man on the other side of the train stop fall face first onto the tracks. It was horrifying, really. He's fine though. After that experience, I realized how lucky I am that I am not bound by things of this world like so many are, and that I have freedom in Christ. Those aren't just words, but I think it came clear to me today. Even though that shook up my emotions, I'm glad Christ allowed me to witness that -- I've been happy today, since. I think Germany is caught up in depression, especially during January and February, i'm told. I think many drink to feel something and then continue drinking so they won't feel. It's sad, but I see that. I am drawn toward happy faces, and kind people on the train. I'm learning what "sucking it up" looks like, and realizing all that Christ has offered and is offering me. He is forming me, and it hurts, but I'm thankful. I'm seeing a very different Germany than i'm used to. I'm used to the summer months and the happy smiling faces, not this dreary, grey country I've been experiencing. Classes start tomorrow so I spent the day at work and then I went and read a book and did some studying and then ran some errands. Classes end in 3 weeks, but I will still have one I'm doing online for Angelo, and then another language class that I'm taking at the language center.

I sat on the couch, in pajama pants, reading my bible when she came up to me.
"Lara?"
"Ja?"
"Gehst du jetzt nach Hause?"
I looked her in the eyes and shook my head.
"Bleibst du hier?"
Again I looked her in the eyes and nodded.
Her glee filled my eyes with laughter as I continued to read my bible. Earlier that day, she cried tears because she wanted to be a baby. Never before have I seen a five year old in tears because she longs to be a baby. At first I found myself in wonder and almost wanting to laugh, but as I watched the tears fall from her face, I realized she was crying parts of my heart. How often do I try to grasp the past, and hold it and not let go? How often do I cry tears because I am not comfortable in my life right now? I cry because where I was was easier and more comfortable and more convenient than where I am right now. How ridiculous it must seem to sit here and cry over things that are just life. Just as Kat will never be able to become a baby again, nor will I be able to live yesterday again. A few hours later I was reading the story of Noah out of Genesis out loud. She placed her hand on mine and said "do you know what this means? we must stay friends forever." (but it was in german.. not english). As I laid down that night for sleep, I thanked Father for speaking to me and comforting me through simple words of a child.



-p.s. i enjoy playing monopoly with credit cards.
i still love apfelschorle.
i am lately intrigued by Ezekiel 16
"you are not surprising Him by your being there. You were called out. He is big enough for this and our obedience to Him is a part of the answer. You already have everything you need to succeed there."

"Lucy leant her head on the edge of the fighting-top and whispered, 'Aslan, Aslan, if ever you loved us at all, send us help now.' The darkness did not grow any less, but she began to feel a little - a very little - better... An albatross...circled three times round the mast and then perched for an instant on the crest of the gilded dragon at the prow... But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, 'Courage, dear heart,' and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan's." - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

"I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight to receive you." - Aslan to Shasta, The Horse and His Boy

I just woke up from a dream, and I'm not sure why I had it... because it hasn't been a topic I've been thinking about lately. I had a dream i was in K-Stadt working with students from Falls Creek. For some reason the students that week were really worried about numbers and the amount of people who were becoming believers. I was sitting on the u-bahn and the team was talking about it, and Linley and I were trying to stress the point that it isn't about numbers. Normally I don't remember words or what I "say" in dreams, but I said to one girl in particular, "you are so much more than a number to God, he KNOWS you and he KNOWS your name." I then began describing the following: "when I had to get my socialversicherungsausweis (social security card) in Germany, just as in the states I had to grab a number and wait. About 20 minutes later my number was called and it was my turn, but with Christ it's so much more than that. He calls me by NAME. He says 'Lara, come to me.' He knows that I'm weak and weary and he knows my faults and failures. He created me to be human, but he's calling me to go beyond myself and come to him."

1 "This is what the LORD says to his anointed,
to Cyrus, whose right hand I take hold of
to subdue nations before him
and to strip kings of their armor,
to open doors before him
so that gates will not be shut:

2 I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.

3 I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

4 For the sake of Jacob my servant,
of Israel my chosen,
I summon you by name
and bestow on you a title of honor,
though you do not acknowledge me.

5 I am the LORD, and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me,

6 so that from the rising of the sun
to the place of its setting
men may know there is none besides me.
I am the LORD, and there is no other.

7 I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

8 "You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide,
let salvation spring up,
let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it.

9 "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker,
to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter,
'What are you making?'
Does your work say,
'He has no hands'?

10 Woe to him who says to his father,
'What have you begotten?'
or to his mother,
'What have you brought to birth?'

11 "This is what the LORD says—
the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:
Concerning things to come,
do you question me about my children,
or give me orders about the work of my hands?

12 It is I who made the earth
and created mankind upon it.
My own hands stretched out the heavens;
I marshaled their starry hosts.

13 I will raise up Cyrus in my righteousness:
I will make all his ways straight.
He will rebuild my city
and set my exiles free,
but not for a price or reward,
says the LORD Almighty."

14 This is what the LORD says:
"The products of Egypt and the merchandise of Cush,
and those tall Sabeans—
they will come over to you
and will be yours;
they will trudge behind you,
coming over to you in chains.
They will bow down before you
and plead with you, saying,
'Surely God is with you, and there is no other;
there is no other god.' "

15 Truly you are a God who hides himself,
O God and Savior of Israel.

16 All the makers of idols will be put to shame and disgraced;
they will go off into disgrace together.

17 But Israel will be saved by the LORD
with an everlasting salvation;
you will never be put to shame or disgraced,
to ages everlasting.

18 For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.

19 I have not spoken in secret,
from somewhere in a land of darkness;
I have not said to Jacob's descendants,
'Seek me in vain.'
I, the LORD, speak the truth;
I declare what is right.

20 "Gather together and come;
assemble, you fugitives from the nations.
Ignorant are those who carry about idols of wood,
who pray to gods that cannot save.

21 Declare what is to be, present it—
let them take counsel together.
Who foretold this long ago,
who declared it from the distant past?
Was it not I, the LORD ?
And there is no God apart from me,
a righteous God and a Savior;
there is none but me.

22 "Turn to me and be saved,
all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, and there is no other.

23 By myself I have sworn,
my mouth has uttered in all integrity
a word that will not be revoked:
Before me every knee will bow;
by me every tongue will swear.

24 They will say of me, 'In the LORD alone
are righteousness and strength.' "
All who have raged against him
will come to him and be put to shame.

25 But in the LORD all the descendants of Israel
will be found righteous and will exult.

Lately, I have been thinking about 'art.' All aspects of it, but the question in my mind is, "is it better to be the artist, or the spectator?!" Since a class in my reading comprehension class, I posed this question to myself. I'm not even sure why I have been thinking about this so much, or if it even matters. But let's think: Is it better to be the ballerina or the violinist or the singer, or is it better to sit in the audience and appreciate the works? And then it's a question of intent. What is my intent as the performer? Am I performing for self, or for the audience or for some higher power? i.e. God. What is my intent as the spectator? To be cultured and appreciate 'the arts' as the world tells me I should? To lose myself in thoughts of life and wants while watching? Entertainment?

I'll end this post with the Preface of The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, it seems appropriate, and the words keep running through my mind.

The artist is the creator of beautiful things.

To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.

The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming.

This is a fault.

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.

They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written.

That is all.

The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.

The nineteenth century dislike of romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.

The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved.

No artist has ethical sympathies.

An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.

Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art.

Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.

From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician.

From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type.

All art is at once surface and symbol.

Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.

Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.

It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.

Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital.

When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself.

We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless.

OSCAR WILDE

Two days ago I was talking to J about what Christianity is like in his country. He said something to me about how my goal isn't to convert others to Christianity. I said, "no it's not, because I cannot make that decision for other people. I do want them to hear and know what I believe is truth, and atleast have the opportunity to decide."

The conversation keeps running through my mind. Perhaps it affected me more than him, but continue to lift J and others up when/if you think about it.


love you all

Lara





She lifts her head from the spring of water and feels refreshment sweep through her body. This feels like life, but is it? Stepping from the water and grabbing a towel near the bank and began drying away the cool water as she gazed out the cave, peering into the sunset. It had been a long time since she had been here. As she got older, the busy-ness of life seemed to catch hold of her and she rarely found time to get away. With a sigh, she picked up her belongings and began finding her way down the hill. About half way down she caught a glimpse of birds flying through the sky. Their formation drawing her to lay down on the hill she once called her own. She laid among the dozens of flowers and it wasn't long until she found herself in tears, crying herself to sleep.

today after talking on skype and while writing on a friend's wall I realized that I am tired of this. I'm tired of feeling the hunger pains and doing nothing for the hunger. My body is realizing that there is something so much more, that it wants more of Christ. None of this half-passioned faith. I'm tired of sitting inside a church, I'm ready to meet people where they are, outside of the church... Ministry happens while we are living life. I re-read something I wrote in 2005...

There becomes a point where there is a difference between “doing” Christian things and constantly placing Christ in all that we do. Every day is filled with divine opportunities and divine appointments. If we ask Christ to let us see things the way He sees things, and hear things the way He does- He will answer that prayer and we will become susceptible to the workings around us. We must be intentional in our relationships no matter where we are.

It's time for change.


p.s. i love bionade. it is yummy. my favorite is the elder berries (holunder) flavor. :-)

For the past 7 months, I have been praying that Father (being Christ) would show me how to love others the way he loves the church. Matt Chandler had said something in a sermon before I left for Germany this summer- - he said his prayer is that his daughter will meet a man who loves her the way Christ loves the church... and even though I long for that in a man as well, I want to seek to love others in this way as well-- because, we are afterall called to do this as believers.

obviously the whole bible is full of examples of how Christ loves the church-- every word is dripping with his love, sometimes beautiful, sometimes beautiful in the gore and brutality that Christianity sometimes is. Life is full of lessons that teach His love as well-- and daily I am challenged to look at things with His eyes and not my own. However, tonight as I sat reading the words of Psalm 45, I found myself overwhelmed in tears. This is how Father, the author and finisher of our faith loves me? This is how I am called to love?! Me?! I am undeserving. Me?! I am incapable... I sat there, in the midst of many, yet all seemed to disappear. As I read and re-read the words, my heart literally pounded within me, and never before have a felt something so intense. My thoughts being ones of my prayer of asking Christ to show me how to love the way he loves, the answer being poured out right in front of me. My heart is eager to love. I want to convey to people on every level my love for them. I want my family, my boyfriend, my friends to know and feel my love I have for them. I want the source of my love to be Christ... and honestly, I read these words of this Psalm, and i have NO clue how I will be capable, and I have no idea how I will completely die to my fleshly self... but I seek to find out.

I **beg** you to read the pslam below, to dwell on the words and meditate on it. Many times i see that people post bible verses/psalms and i just glance at it and think "oh that's cool..." but if you gain anything or remember anything from this post, let it be this Psalm... Father's words are so much more than my own.

Psalm 45

A Royal Wedding Song

For the choir director: according to "The Lilies." A Maskil of the sons of Korah. A love song.

My heart is moved by a noble theme
as I recite my verses to the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

You are the most handsome of men;
grace flows from your lips.
Therefore God has blessed you forever.

Mighty warrior, strap your sword at your side.
In your majesty and splendor —
in your splendor ride triumphantly
in the cause of truth, humility, and justice.
May your right hand show your awe-inspiring deeds.

Your arrows pierce the hearts of the king's enemies;
the peoples fall under you.
Your throne, God, is forever and ever;
the scepter of Your kingdom is a scepter of justice.
You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has anointed you,
more than your companions, with the oil of joy.

Myrrh, aloes, and cassia [perfume] all your garments;
from ivory palaces harps bring you joy.
Kings' daughters are among your honored women;
the queen, adorned with gold from Ophir,
stands at your right hand.

Listen, daughter, pay attention and consider:
forget your people and your father's house,
and the king will desire your beauty.
Bow down to him, for he is your lord.
The daughter of Tyre, the wealthy people,
will seek your favor with gifts.

In [her chamber], the royal daughter is all glorious,
her clothing embroidered with gold.
In colorful garments she is led to the king;
after her, the virgins, her companions, are brought to you.
They are led in with gladness and rejoicing;
they enter the king's palace.

Your sons will succeed your ancestors;
you will make them princes throughout the land.
I will cause your name to be remembered for all generations;
therefore the peoples will praise you forever and ever.

The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.

Colossians 3

He Is Your Life

1-2 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

3-4Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

5-8And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

9-11Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

12-14So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

15-17Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Lift up your eyes, the harvest is here

Oh, It’s Christmas time in Hannover, and it’s so evident of that. The week of thanksgiving, the city began to build and set up the Christmas markets… and they truly are extravagant. Hannover builds a huge huge traditional german windmill thing every year, and there are funnel cakes (schmalzkuchen) and warm drinks and laughter and fun and chestnuts roasting on open fires!!, and it’s so exciting.

November was quite an interesting month… and went by so terribly fast but so terribly slow at the same time. I experienced a bout of sickness that involved throwing up and running a temperature and it only heightened the homesickness and culture shock I was experiencing! Never before have I felt so down and alone and, I truly hope those moments don’t become often here. I am learning to seek Christ in each day… and learn from Him… to take each day as a gift and to ask Him to show me how to live it. Christ spoke to me so much through those moments of tears and hurt. I will recall this month so often and I don’t think I will ever forget the days of being on my knees in tears crying out to God. Through tears, I learned to bow on my knees and worship Christ. I’m not sure I can say I have ever truly done that. “God you are God, even when I can’t feel you, even when I don’t see the hope for the future, I know you are here. I know you are near, and I know you are God.”

It has been amazing to see how Father has delivered me out of my loneliness. Last weekend I left early Friday morning and traveled 2 hours by train to Hamburg and got there around 10:00 am. I met S and S at the train station and the day was full of going to shops and buying things for Thanksgiving Dinner that night. I spent the afternoon and first part of the evening cleaning and cooking and feeling like I was in family. “It feels so good to have our little sister here.” Those words filled me with a joy I hadn’t felt in so long. I spent the whole weekend there leaving later on Monday night, and it was so nice to feel like I had spent the weekend with family. One day I spent with S and C, and S poured truth and God’s promises into my life. She reminded me that I am a new creation and experiences will be so totally different for me than any one else—as is true for everyone. That Christ placed his power IN us, and that he is molding me and more. She told me things I know, but the way she said them were new, and I love her for caring about me so much in ways that I don’t really deserve.

Another amazing aspect of going to Hamburg was how encouraged I was to lift up my eyes and see what Father is doing among the generation of believers there, and among the many other communities there as well. I was filled with a passion to come back and live my life in Hannover in expectancy and to truly allow Christ to mold me to follow him and see his harvest the way he sees it and to not look at things with my eyes.

I am meeting so many amazing people, and learning more of the German culture and views than I ever have before. I won’t mention certain situations or people, but simply ask for your prayer.

Well, it is December 1, the first day of the Advent. I will eat my first chocolate piece but as advent comes I have been challenged to pray with expectency for revival… for Hannover. For the believers, for others to come to face. Emmanuel means ‘God with us,” so instead of getting distracted by celebrating Jesus this December, I don’t want to neglect spending time with him! Today Naomi arrives, and in a couple of hours I will go to get her at the airport! It’s neat to see how Christ is bringing me out of my loneliness in many ways. I think this month of her being here, and Daniel Wilson and my parents coming to spend time for the holidays as well will be a blessing. I know I am worrying already about January because it will be a busy month in which friends and family have departed, the weather is colder than usual, the hours of daylight equal about 3 hours a day, and my exams and the pressure of passing will be double time as the semester comes to an end. If you long to pray for me pray for Revival, pray for me to have a calm heart- to take one day at a time and to not dwell on the loneliness that may come in January and February.

Another prayer request is that I have been offered a maybe scholarship. If I get this, it would help me and my family and money situations SO much, as I am sure many of you can relate. I know many of you have my blog site, but if you don’t and would like it—let me know-- I also challenge you to check out trentandlindsey.blogspot.com as well.

Thank you so much,
Lara

guess just pray for me--

i am not understanding my homework at all for grammar, and the exam is not until January 22nd... but i HAVE to do well on the exam or I don't even pass the class. and I really have no way to know how i'm doing in the class. I feel like i won't be able to remember everything.. and i'm stressing now because Naomi will be here which is not stressful but what is stressful is that I will feel bad for studying.. so, pray that i'll find time to study, that I will study affectively, that i will begin to understand, and that i will just feel at peace and content. i just feel anxious and nervous when i can't understand things.

I am not putting myself down when i say this but i am literally the dumbest one in all my classes. Today in Phonetik i felt like such a fool because she kept having me read out loud and then make everyone analyze what i said or did wrong. i felt so stupid. Things like that make me not want to try anymore.

things will come together i'm sure, and if i fail the class... oh well, i fail... i'll make up for it in san angelo somehow.

right?

<3

lara

There's a mountain not very far from here. Some say it's a hill, but i'm SURE it is and only can be a mountain. During the spring season, it is a deep color green, the definite paint strokes of a master painter to make grass of a certain kind, embellished by the reds and yellows of the wild flowers. I come to this mountain often... it is my secret place, the place that I am sure I can find myself. Here, I can lay in the midst of the flowers and stare straight into the heavens. Here, no one can tell me what to do, who I should be, how I should act. Time stops here. I am free to dance, free to laugh, and to simply spin in circles until I fall over in laughter... only doing so for me, not for an audience, not to gain attention. Here I am able to fall over in deep sorrow, tears of hopelessness falling freely from my eyes amongst the flowers. I sometimes feel like I Alice in Alice and the Looking Glass. Crying an ocean that I will shrink into and float away... but I have hope.

I've been coming here since I was young, rarely (if ever) inviting anyone to come with me. It hurts too much when others cannot see the beauty; it hurts too much when others only see a hill.

There are days that I begin to see the mountain as the others do. I say to myself, "perhaps it IS just a hill, perhaps the flowers are all weeds," and I find myself becoming blind to the beauty. I hate these days, because it is on these days that I begin to hate myself. I no longer can lay amongst the flowers and stare at the sky, but I find myself wanting to pull the flowers and throw them while tears are streaming down my face. I hate this hill.

But that's just a moment. I love this mountain. I love that it's not just a place to escape reality, but it is reality.

Just the other day I went for a walk, and I found an opening in the forest. The noise of water filled my ears and I kept walking forward. The cool mist began to splash upon my face, and I realized I discovered something new on this mountain I had known for so long. A new passion began to fill my heart as I noticed this new found beauty. I'll now come here. Now, this will be my place, within a place.