I want to be like Peter Pan! I don't wanna grow up!

5:27 AM

I'm feeling a little Dorian Gray lately. I don't wanna get old, I don't want to grow up - but I also don't want things to change. I mean, i DO... but i don't. I want to stay in school (but when I was in school I wanted to be out of it), I want to have my job back at the university.. but i have to be a student. I don't know life is weird... yesterday, I realized I am an adult now. I mean getting married and graduation should have been a huge bell ringer, but i'm slow sometimes. I blame the hair color (the blonde parts, not the ginger parts).

I feel like God has grabbed my attention lately. He's convicting me about a lot. Such as journaling/blogging, writing for self - writing for him. I am still working at the preschool and Father is teaching me a lot there. He also spoke to me a lot through pastor Kirt's sermon yesterday.... about how man judge's the outward appearance, but God judges the heart. I know this, but it was a good reminder, and Father keeps reminding me about this lately. (y)u can listen to it at www.paulann.org if you want!)

Maren gets here tomorrow. I'm really excited. She is studying here for a year and is from Hannover, Germany. -- I studied there for a year and I really miss some of my friends from there. a lot. I sadly didn't realize it when I was there, but I built some amazing, deep, relationships there that will probably be present my whole life. I wish I would have invested in them even more while there.

Some days I question why Christ has us here in San Angelo still. If it were up to me, I'd be overseas working. That is why I got a four year degree- so I could be a journeyman, but of course- plans changed, life changes. So i'm sitting here, in San Angelo wondering what to do with my life - I have no clue. But when I ask to see things through Christ's eyes, I am reminded that he still has us here for reasons he knows about. To meet Maren, to work at the preschool, etc. He has some valuable lessons to teach us while we are here. Goes back to show me that Christ knows best.

My prayer is that Christ will allow me to see through his eyes, and not my own. Mine are so judgmental, weak, anxious, sad, depressed, boring, etc. I want ears to hear and eyes to see.

--- In less philosophical thoughts--

We went to a redneck party the other day! It was fun. However, Seth and I did not dress up-- we were the cousins from the city.

Yesterday we were surprised with a quick visit from Seth's dad and stepmom. They took us to the grocery store and bought us things we don't normally buy (like steaks and salmon and olive oil, etc). It certainly was a blessing.

Today was nice. I accidentally slept in but I still managed to clean, get laundry done, meet our friend Joe to help him edit and brainstorm essays for his med-school applications and make dinner.

Two weeks ago I went to Denver, here are some photos: