Easter is about redemption and about the story of Jesus... today, on Easter, God reminded me of a specific moment in which he was holding me close and redeeming me. It was a memory long forgotten and one I had never shared with even my husband... it was a sweet sweet moment between me and Jesus... and one today, I felt like I should share. 

It was day six of my new life as a momma, day 6 of his life out of the womb. Seth's dad was in town and they both went to church that morning. It was my first time alone with my son. The week I had just lived was so beautiful and so hard. For the first time I realized how fragile life was - I thought I knew before - memories of walking through Köln come to mind - seeing people live their life, wondering if they know or would ever know the deep love Christ had for them, then I cried... I cried for their souls, but little did I know then, that even I, didn't know (and probably still don't fully know!) how deep the Father's love is for us. I was home alone, the house was quiet. Watson was asleep in my arms, and I felt drawn to pray and sing the same song that I walked down the aisle to at our wedding.  

I sat there, cross legged on my bed, holding my baby, tired and unsure if I could provide for this baby the way I could. The day before Watson had his tongue tie surgery and I had collapsed in tears as he bled all over me when trying to eat. Needless to say, I was pretty emotional. When I got to this line of the song:  "from life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; Till he returns, or calls me home -- here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand," I again collapsed into tears. I think for many reasons. I was reminded, that Jesus commands our destiny - mine, my family's Watson's. I found myself praying this, while crying, over my sleeping helpless babe. His life was so fragile, but Jesus commands his destiny. He was holding me in his arms, as I held sweet Watson. He had us. He wasn't leaving us. Those first days, months were so hard for us. Sometimes I get jealous when other's don't have it as hard with their new babies. I get upset and mad because that's how it was supposed to be for us - but it wasn't supposed to be that way for us. Jesus had some sweet things to teach me during those times - he knows my personality and he knows how I learn, and this is how he would love us, love my family and teach us valuable lessons. 

Today while singing this same song during the easter service at church, I was reminded of God's promises during that time. That he was commanding our destiny, that he was holding us in his hands, and that he holds all things in our hands. He reminded me to not stand in my own power, but in his.