What is your legacy?

Watson saying 'hi' to his Uncle Noah before his baseball scrimmage

We just spent two + weeks in Texas.

It was wonderful, and it was difficult. It rained most of the time we were here, but that wasn't a big deal... Our first full day here ended in me throwing up my guts - where I got the virus from, I have no clue - maybe someone in Seattle, maybe someone on the plane, maybe people we spent time with that day.

We were told the virus only lasted 24 hours and after 48 we were good to visit people. Not the case. Seems like I single handedly infected all of Texas.

I shamed myself, I felt guilty and I fell into depression during the two weeks we were here. So, that was unfortunate. Not only were most people loving, forgiving and full of grace, but Seth kept reminding me that I don't control sickness or health, and even though I had the virus, others getting it wasn't my fault.

God taught me that it isn't my job to or duty to carry a cross of shame and guilt and take on those things because he already did that on the cross... and that it wasn't my fault. *sigh* but it still sucks!!

Sitting on the porch enjoying the rain.

Anyway we officially got better after awhile once we realized that the people we hung out with weren't getting sick anymore (Note: seems like the contagious stage is actually about 1.5- 2 weeks and NOT only 48 hours), and then I got to hang out with my best friend, Damaris. It was like balm to my weary soul. It wasn't for long enough, but it never is.

While in Texas it was so wonderful to sit on the porch, watching the storm clouds roll in, sit there (still on the porch) while it rains (because well, Texas is still warm when it rains), watch baseball games and enjoy time with friends and family (AND meet our sweet new nephew, Rawley)

I'm looking forward to starting back life in Seattle - new vision and focus seem to be on the forefront of my mind - from how to spend my time (let's see if I can keep up a good balance -- eep; maybe a blog for another time), to planning and preparing for my sweet preschool class that begins in September. I also get to start going to a bible study at the church by my house on Thursday mornings, which I'm absolutely stoked about - learning about Jesus, how he's calling me to live for him as a wife, momma and woman, and getting to spend time with some sweet friends who live in Edmonds (#community).

HOWEVER, I have a TON to do before sweet Watson's first birthday party in about 2 weeks (wha?) and then a few days later we are leaving for 2.5 weeks to go to Virginia, DC and NYC!! <3 I'm excited about that trip :-) It'll be our first time in a long time to just go on vacation and spend quality family time together. <3

my best friend damaris. We've been friends for a long time but God knit our hearts together about a year after we met when  we both went through some "traumatic" experiences and needed Jesus and a "little bit" of waffles and (a lot a bit of) butter to heal our "wounds"... Then we had a sleepover and giggled a ton. We've never stopped talking sense.

Texas.

Sister in Loves and our sweet babies <3

See this photo? I used a filter so I would look less tired, so I might actually look like I've got this thing down? Maybe? I'm not really sure what my intent is in using a filter, other than I look WAY better than not using the filter. Yesterday my sister in law's sister in law (confused yet?), posted an instagram photo that was real. It was refreshing and stirred my soul to something I believe God has been speaking into my heart for sometime. "You are enough."

There's  a fine line between bettering oneself and shaming oneself. I think it's smart to better oneself- find ways to bless your husband, show him grace, find ways to enjoy your children and challenge them with fun, and new activities, exercising to be healthy, etc. Bettering oneself. Shaming oneself, is doing those things with the heart of guilt and shame - doing them because we are trying to justify ourselves, and find our value in the things we do - never feeling like we will ever be enough. Lately, I've fallen guilty of shaming myself. I'm not a good enough wife. I'm not a good enough  mom. This mom thing seems so easy for other moms. I don't have time to care about the toxicity of all the cleaners and soaps I use, because just being able to find the time to use cleaners and soaps to get something clean can be hard. I use Johnsons & Johnsons shampoo.. wait? Thats bad! I'm now a horrible mommy. Watson has eaten oranges and bananas and beans every day for a week. I don't do things well enough. If I do something,  there is someone who can do it better, etc. etc. etc. I'm shaming myself. - These are the things I tell myself. I try to justify myself by what I post on instagram/social media or what I see others post. {Social Media sucks! [[love hate relationship]]}

The TRUTH is, Jesus has already justified all of this on the cross. I don't need to try to justify myself at all, Jesus has already done this. When God looks at me, he says "you're enough." He says this, because he sees Jesus (2 Cor. 4:6) - and Jesus is enough. God chooses to see past all my flaws, pride, insecurity (which is also a form of pride - blog for another time), weaknesses and sins, and chooses to see perfection - and he says., "you are enough." Being a mom is already hard, why do I make it harder by trying to justify myself against other moms who have different personalities, different children, different husbands and different experiences? Well, because I'm sinful and I'm human, but what a great reminder the gospel brings us - we are enough. I am enough, you are enough. God sees us in our weakness and he loves us in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). In fact, I believe God chooses to see WHO we are before he sees our failures (and many times what we deem as failure - I don't think he does at all- we are silly creatures) He sees us, he loves us and he whispers to our hearts "you are enough."


God chose me to be Seth's wife and Watson's momma. We're going to have and hold and teach and train differently than someone else, and God deemed it that way. We have different personalities, different relationships, different experiences and that's OKAY and not only is it okay, it's beautiful. I am enough, my family is enough and I hope that I can not only say those things but truly believe them with my heart and my head. We are all aiming for the same goal, we will do that differently but we will proclaim the same gospel. I feel like I am now rambling, so I'm going to leave it at that. thanks for reading and for loving me :-)

Lara <3