What is your legacy?

It's Christmas time. :-)
Yay

Cute Purikura Online cute

Sometimes I wonder if I'm enough... if I'll ever be enough, if i'll satisfy, if I'll always make him happy, if I'll even be able to make him happy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not as great as the last person, sometimes I wonder if I'm not as pretty or as nice or kind, or fun, or tall or giving or as independent (less clingy, able to do things on my own), and the list goes on and on and on and then I realize.. i've got it all wrong. I'm focusing on me and not on us. More importantly, i'm focusing on me/us and not on Christ. This is where I fall short.

I want to cling to the cross and I want that to be reality and not just a great idea. I want to hunger for the word and live it in every thing I say, every decision I make, every step I take... and I long to satisfy Christ.... that is where I should find my worth.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future.

<3

Life has been so crazy, yet so exciting at the same time. Since the last time I've updated, I'm halfway through my hardest semester, feel like the end is near but no where in site at the same time, I've been engaged for seven months, I'm living with a couple that works at and attends ASU and I get to go to a Dallas Cowboy Football game. I'm getting to fellowship and hangout and study the word with 4-5 amazing girls on Wednesdays at school and I am hanging out with a group of people who are seeking Christ on Thursday nights. Seth and I are goign to 'marriage mentoring' and i'm falling more and more in love with Seth every day.

Lara

What my semester looks like:
Managing Editor at Ram Page
Working for information technology (possibly in multimedia)
2+ hours at Central High School every week
18 hours of classes
Independant study researching portrayal of obama/american politics in German media.
Wedding Planning
Studying for teXes exCet exams
Studying for German exit exam

niel cole wrote this in cultivating..
When I get busy, I tend to forget the most imprtant reason why I’m here- my prime directive: to make more and better disciples. (Matt 23:18-20)! In fact, unlike Jesus, the busier I become, the more I lose compassion for the lost. It doesn’t take much for the multitudes to become more of a stumbling block to impede my effectiveness rather than a reason for becoming effective….A long line is an obstacle rather than an opportunity.

Today my calendar says that love is powerful.

i've been thinking about how no one really 'knows' english.

The dog THAT bit the child has not been found. (no name, therefore a THAT)
Their cat Fluffy, who bit me, was ran over by a car. (a name, therefore a who)
Mobil is the oil company that wants to invite you to support public television. (a business = a that)

easy. but we mess up a lot b/c we don't think about it.



i'm bored. :-/ can you tell?

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

(Pre-Chorus)
In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

(Chorus)
So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

(Bridge)
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever.

this season of my life is quite the interesting one. I am working somewhere I never really thought I would work... and I am also learning it is a place where I have learned lessons I'm not quite sure I would have learned otherwise. I'm learning my deep love for stories and people and giving a voice to the voiceless. And sometimes just allowing those who already have a voice a way to get news to the people. It isnt' about who writes it, how it is written, or what have you, rather it is about informing the masses in the most right, ethical, truthful way possible.

I just got back from a week in Amarillo. Sara and Sean are married! Now I am back at work.

one of the oldest questions that I've heard is the question of 'why do we pray?' or 'how do we pray?'

The other night I was sitting at bible study and found myself asking the same question. Normally we pray for comfort for the sick for health for ourselves... and then I got to thinking later that night -- how often do we PRAY for salvation? How often do we pray to be refined to seek more of Father. We skip the important things.

I can only speak for myself... we skip those importantly things partly because we're trained to make certain prayer requests for aunt jo's brother's mother-in-law's pet cat. And another reason... praying the deep prayers, praying to be refined... that's scary.

Originally in this post I was going to point out some great quotes by some modern-day theologians, followed by scripture. But John 5:19 keeps coming to my mind. "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself, he can only see what he sees his Father doing." -John 5:19. As I thumb through some literature I was given on prayer I find I am rereading the verse over and over and eventually notice commentary..... So what does that have to do with anything? I want to listen to Father. Before telling him what I want him to do, I want to open my eyes to what he's already doing. I want to know what Father is up to in the lives of people I see every day. I don't want to hand Christ a wish-list. I want to pray in the power of faith... and the courage of hope.

I often say that serving overseas and serving here is the exact same... and when it comes down to it.. YES it is. The same needs, the same God, we should have the same focus. But the truth of every this is.. no, I, personally don't. I'm comfortable here. I know the language. I have friends. I become blind. Blind to their needs, blind to what Father is doing. I want to have his eyes. I want to have his ears.

While writing this I was reminded of two years ago when Father spoke to me so much truth... As i re-read the entry I found the need to share it. Not necessarily for others to be inspired, but for myself to see where i've been, to remember the faitfulness of father and move forward, knowing that i serve the same God - and to him, time or place isn't a factor or element.


July 19, 2007
My feet finally have the 'chaco' (teva b/c i am 'uncool') tan lines, except they aren't tan lines at all- they are DIRT lines. Today I prayer walked. For the first time, I felt the call to walk until I could no longer walk, to pray to my Father, Creator, life changer. What I am continuing to learn is that prayer doesn't change God and his plans, yet it changes me and my heart and that Father hears our prayers and is faithful to answer them. I feel like i can see God drawing me closer and closer to him. Today I felt my heart break for all those around-- believers, non. I was broken ruined and at no point did I long to stop praying. At 5:00n p.m. i felt the need to pray earnestly for salvation. Specifically. Later, I found out that at that time, someone at the Uni became a believer. That is and only is Father. God has shown me things today that I can't put words to. He has allowed me to cry out to him in a park that he rarely hears worship from-- a part of the park that he is definitely in, but where I long for his church to be planted. My prayer is that I would so decrease and he would so increase that it would only be his prayers, his words, essentially HIM praying to himself for HIS people. "He is mercy, he is power, he is love and he is God."

Today Father allowed me to see things of this world that brought me to tears. Father IS beyond all expression and I truly cannot think that high. I serve a God who is NOT served by human hands- as if he needed anything. SO many times I find myself thankful that even though I am un-needed by my Savior, I am wanted by him, but today I am realizing that i TRULY do want to worship this God, even if he NEVER needs me. If he NEVER would use my self, prideful self, I STILL want to serve him. Why he calls me chosen and why he's unashamed to claim me as his own, i will NEVER known or understand. I WANT to be his. I WANT to come to him, broken and useless, and I long for him to mold my heart-- I long to pray his prayers, and dream his dreams and love with his love. I no longer want ME. I want to so abide in Christ that I truly am the aroma of him. I want to have ONE passion. I want to love with the love of a savior and I don't want my life to be one simply of emotional highs. I want it to be one that is HARD, one where i do feel spent and worn out. I want my feet to smell, I want them to hurt and have dirt lines. I want to find the same Joy I find on the "clean" days, on the days that are dirty and rough and draining, and only in Christ do I want to find my rst. My life is a journey. I love that. I love that I can be real and vulnerable to those around me. I'm glad I can be broken. Many days I DO deny Christ and cling to disobedience. I want to stop that. I know there will be more, i know there will be days i'm not obedient and I will fall short, but I long to strive to abide in him DAILY. Christ called out, he cried out in John 12 for his people to look and SEE. He is LIGHT and he's CRYING OUT!! for us to understand!- Even now. I want eyes to see. I want them to have ears to hear. I want Father to heal this land, to heal our hearts, my heart, the hearts of all the people I come into contact with.

you know, we will never understand God. I love that. Sure I guess it can be frustrating, but his ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts higher than our thoughts. - I love that.

thought this was interesting
http://www.joshharris.com/2009/05/should_we_use_twitter_during_c.php

Really, it has been forever since I made a real blog entry. I guess my 'interest' is dying out, either that or any and all writing skills have leaked to the newspaper world. Yeah; that's probably it. ;-)

This weekend, I learned a few things.... God is my home. He truly is; and I learned that through experiences, through seeing old friends and church members at a wedding. God is my home. Not past experiences, not the Dallas area, not San Angelo or Hamburg or Japan. God. I was also reminded that HIS testimony is greater than my own.

For the first time I saw in light what humility, true humility looks like. Areas in my life that I need to step aside from my pride and worship Father... even when I don't know what I'm doing... because, God is my home. He is who I serve, he is who I worship.

I was painted a picture of what it looks like to come to Christ and receive his kingdom like a child. I also learned that my words and my actions affect others deeply. And thus, I need to walk in Father every second.

read something interesting today; about how Father calls us to be present in our discomfort.

Matthew 18... “When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, ‘Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.’ Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’ Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”’

definitely something i sometimes fail to do.



Now from his breast into his eyes the ache
of longing mounted, and he wept at last,
his dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms,
longed for as the sunwarmed earth is longed for by a swimmer
spent in rough water where his ship went down
under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea.
Few men can keep alive through a big surf
to crawl, clotted with brine, on kindly beaches
in joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind;
and so she too rejoiced, her gaze upon her husband,
her white arms round him pressed as though forever.
- from The Odyssey
HOMER

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

lifeasareporter.wordpress.com

first day working at a "real" newspaper. It was way super overwhelming.

Finals Week is always so difficult. It's difficult to focus on studying, It's difficult to think about now... because your mind is in the future, or at least mine is. I want to focus on now so badly, because I'm nervous about this summer. I don't want it to come. I'm not ready to work or even intern in the real world; or figure out how I am going to make ends meet month to month. I feel so misunderstood lately, somethign I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward, rather than worrying about things.

Last night I found myself in tears... tears that came because I don't fear my own death, but I fear others dying-- and not knowing Christ. My biggest fear is cultural Christianity. So many think they are 'Christians,' but don't know and understand the God they claim to serve.... and last night I began to feel Paul's cry of wishing he could give up his own salvation for someone else...

Lara <3

Red-Hot Redheads: Cool Facts About Carrot Tops
By Allison Ford (View Profile)

We’ve all heard that blondes are dumb, brunettes are smart and dependable, and that curly-haired women are unhinged, but of all the hair stereotypes out there, no one suffers more injustice than redheads do. Throughout history, they’ve been subjected to discrimination and fearful prejudice, being viewed as untrustworthy, mischievous, temperamental, and lustful. In ancient Egypt, red hair was seen as so unlucky, red-haired girls were burned alive. According to Greek myths, redheads turn into vampires when they die. It’s even said that redheads get stung by bees more often. Ouch!

It can be hard to grow up with red hair, constantly getting called names like “ginger” and “carrot top.” Having the rarest hair color might make a redhead feel awkward, but it turns out that there are some special attributes that make them pretty unique. Maybe they’re the ones who have more fun. At the very least, their hair doesn’t go gray.

The Rarity of Red
In the late 1990s, scientists discovered that gene mutation causes red headedness. Specifically, it’s a variant of the melanocortin 1 receptor (MC1R), one of the key proteins that determines hair and skin color. The mutated gene is recessive, so in order for someone to have red hair, she has to inherit two copies of the gene, one from each parent. Lots of people, especially those with Northern European ancestry, carry one copy of MC1R, but relatively few carry the two copies required for flaming tresses. Red hair can occur in any ethnicity, but the greatest concentration of redheads originates in Northern Europe, near the U.K. Scotland has the highest percentage of natural redheads, with 13 percent and Ireland is a close second, with 10 percent. Only about 2 percent of people in the United States have naturally red hair.

If red hair is so rare, why does it occur so often in the same geographic area? Some biologists think that it’s an evolutionary adaptation. In cold and dark climates, fair coloring lets the skin absorb more light, which encourages the body to retain heat and produce more vitamin D. Also, for most of human history, people didn’t stray very far from the place where they were born and intermarried with people with similar genetic traits. When there were plenty of people carrying the gene, their children were very likely to get two copies of the mutated MC1R. Now that people migrate more, carriers of MC1R are more likely to intermarry with non-carriers. That’s good for genetic diversity, but maybe not so good for the survival of redheads in general.

For the past few years, there’s been a rumor that redheads are going extinct, but that’s not exactly true. Because of intermarriage, the numbers are declining, but there will always be redheads, because there will always be carriers of the MC1R gene. It might be less likely that one carrier will meet another and have redheaded children, but it’s always a possibility. In fact, it’s not so far-fetched to imagine a future where everyone knows exactly what’s in his or her genome, and MC1R carriers can choose to have children with fellow carriers, maximizing the likelihood that their children will have red hair.

A Redheaded “Knockout?”
The mutated MC1R gene has some other surprising effects. Although doctors and medical practitioners have long speculated that redheads were harder to sedate, a recent study from the University of Louisville determined that redheads really do require more anesthesia during surgery.

The researchers ran an experiment where they put women under sedation, and then tested their response to pain. The redheaded patients required 20 to 30 percent more anesthetic than other women to achieve the same level of sedation. Scientists at the university also tried to replicate the experiment with mice, and found that animals with a MC1R mutation required more sedation, too. They theorize that the mutated gene somehow has implications beyond hair color, and perhaps affects hormones or enzymes involved in our neurological system.

The Siren Song of Red Hair
Throughout history, redheads have been mistrusted and maligned. In medieval Europe, the infamous witch-hunting manual, Malleus Maleficarum, instructed that red hair and green eyes were marks of a witch, as were freckles, which redheads tend to have aplenty. This belief might have stemmed from the general consensus that redheads were evil, wanton, and hot-tempered. In the Bible, Mary Magdalene and Judas Iscariot are often portrayed as redheads, as was Lilith, Adam’s first wife who insisted on sexual equality. Even Jonathan Swift, in his 1726 classic Gulliver’s Travels, characterized redheads as being wanton and promiscuous.

There might actually be some truth to the myth of the lustful redhead. A recent study by a sex researcher in Hamburg, Germany found that women with red hair had sex more often. Another survey in England duplicated those findings, and reported that redheads had sex an average of three times per week, compared to twice per week for blondes and brunettes. For these studies, it didn’t matter whether the women’s hair was naturally red or Natural Instincts. Of all the women who color their hair, 30 percent choose to become redheads—more than the 27 percent who go brunette and the 26 percent who go blonde. Some scientists theorize that these women are capitalizing on the perception of the fiery redhead to signal to men that they are looking for partners.

Even if redheads do have to endure a lifetime of sunburns and being called “ginger,” their hair doesn’t just make them stand out, it makes them incredibly unique. Some famous fiery redheads include Queen Elizabeth I, Galileo, Thomas Jefferson, Napoleon, and Vincent Van Gogh. More recent redheads include comedienne Lucille Ball and birth control pioneer Margaret Sanger. Not exactly a bad crowd to be associated with, if you ask me. If this is the company that redheads keep, then I’m off to the salon.


First published April 2009

sensitive.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Psalm 128
A song of ascents.
1 Blessed are all who fear the LORD,
who walk in his ways.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.

3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots
around your table.

4 Thus is the man blessed
who fears the LORD.

5 May the LORD bless you from Zion
all the days of your life;
may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem,

6 and may you live to see your children's children.
Peace be upon Israel.










Do you know why it's hard? Because when it's hard, then we understand the gosepl; when it's hard we walk in humility and when it's hard, we'll be dependent on God. - MC

found these pictures when i looked up the answers to the following questions...

The Questions:
1. What is your name? Lara
2. What is your favorite food? Iranian (persian) food
3. What is your favorite color? brown
4. Favorite drink? lemonade
5. Dream vacation? Ireland
6. Favorite hobby? newspapers
7. What you want to be when you grow up? teacher
8. What's one thing you call valuable on this earth? grace
9. One word to describe you? sinner

Life has been changing so much lately; but it's not a bad thing. I'm looking forward to this summer and not looking forward to it all in the same breath. I'll be working at the local newspaper, trying to find rides... but all is good; I am confident that everything will work out.

It will be a hard summer in the aspect that I am not overseas... but also because Seth WILL be overseas... It's amazing how fast someone can become your crutch, your comfort... but Father is quick to teach me that I cannot place anything or anyone before him. He's showing me the needs of my friends and how to MORE SO (realistically) view my life this world, my campus, San Angelo with his eyes. I have opportunities in front of me, some I'm afraid to take, because it doesn't 'seem' to fall in line with what I plan to do (such as: taking a teaching job-- but with the chance of leaving to go overseas two years after; i feel horrible for only 'temporarily' filling a position)

So, everything feels like it's up in the air....

anyway here is a photo of me and seth from this weekend (it was Sammy and Tina's BEAUTIFUL wedding...)

To be honest; i'm not sure why i'm updating everyone on the production of my 'magazine' but ya know; whatev.. ;-)

----------------

It's amazing how life seems to sometimes spread its wings and take off; while at the same time keeping you grounded. Life is moving on; and I find this worldy thing i do... school, work, internships trying to find rhythm as it dances with my spiritual life.. and then i stop and realize why are the separate? they are one in the same.. Father has placed me where I am for a reason... and he hasn't called me to separate my school/work life from him.. in fact, the exact opposite.

I sometimes think mentioning this is stupid; b/c i know this, we all know this... but reminders are nice.


--- ;-)

I already have a wedding dressed picked out.. the wedding should be in ONE year... and I am going to start working at Standard Times (local newspaper) in May.

<3
Lara

I was inspired by something a friend put on his face book today; it was a lone picture of someone he had met abroad... a person who literally has no one in this world... and my heart was broken from a short explanation and a lone picture.

I want to be family to the lonely. I want others to know Christ and I want to be made available. I long for more knowledge of the word, but also an obedient heart.

<3

also; i'm getting married to Seth Chomout in one year!!!!!!

some times I feel like the 'path' i've chosen as far as studying, the subject and the idea of teaching is not something i'll be great at...

*sigh*

but then I learn to suck it up and keep going... because father knows the plans he has for me :)

~Lara

“How fortunate for those in power that the people don’t think.” - Hitler, Mein Kampf.

..perhaps THAT will make you think?
Maybe? !!?!?!

the photo is distorted, as I am waiting for one that is the original size.

<3

it's for my magazine class. Once i have the whole magazine finished i'm giving it to iWit... for fun. They'll probably think i'm crazy and weird, but that's fine, caaause i am.


love ya!
tschuessi

do you remember audio blogs? you could call on your cell phone? that was amazing.

and kind of weird.


floppy disks are becoming obsolete.

my teacher used the smart board for the first time today (finally)

I have 20 podcasts i need to listen to.

Something I read today and liked:

The Wild Pursuit
Relationships are the crux of life. They are what make us come alive, in fact. We only know ourselves in the context of relationships. Still, we tend to ignore the most important relationship we have: our relationship with God through Christ. Sure, we pray and read our Bible, we go to church and sing the songs—but do we connect with God? Do we even realize that relating to us is His desire? Or is He just a Mr. Fix-it to us? One of the most beautiful pictures in the Bible of God and His people is that of a husband and wife. We must embrace the fact that He is our Bridegroom and we are His bride. God pursues us as a man pursues a woman. He says, “‘Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her … In that day,’ declares the Lord, ‘you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master’” (Hosea 2:14-16, TNIV).

Thus begins the passionate pursuit of God after the one He loves. Jesus told Martha that the one needful thing was to sit at His feet (Luke 10:38-42). We must begin here. If we try to start with a formula or with service or with coming to God only to get something, we will find ourselves dry and thirsty. Why? Because we were made for fellowship with Him. We were not made to get what we want from Him and then go on with life while He waits for us to run out of steam.

C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity, “A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other.”

Few of us have experienced God in the facets of His fullness. He’s Father, or He’s Sovereign God, or He’s Provider, or He’s Friend, or He’s Healer. But is He Father and Sovereign God and Provider and Friend and Healer? Yes, all this and more!

God is never only one thing. He is never just God. He is never just Lover. He is never just Judge or just Warrior. He is All. He is I AM, and He is calling us to embrace the reality of what that means for us. It is a wonderful thing to embark on a journey of discovering and receiving all of who God is and will be for you and in you. But it is also terrifying.

Jeremiah 1

"Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you to deliver you,
declares the LORD.”

"…Behold, I have put my words in your mouth. See, I have set you this day over nations and over kingdoms to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant."

In an article from a May 2001 issue of Education Week, Freda Schwartz, a high school English and journalism teacher, explained the importance of literacy and teaching journalism in American schools. Schwartz begins the article, titled Reading, ‘Riting, Reacting, the same way she begins her classes, with a thought provoking quote. “These give rise to discussion that take my students beyond the apparent horizons of literature we explore,” Schwartz said. The quote she cited for the article, and continues to use in discussion with her students is one written by Adolph Hitler in Mein Kampf: “How fortunate for those in power that the people don’t think.”

Schwartz explains that when she attended school, the categories of media were easy to identify, as there were typically only three: print, broadcast and film media. Print media, at the time, dominated the field, thus, literacy was an ‘absolute necessity.’ Today, however; there seems to be a decline in the public school curriculum regarding the ‘priority status of literacy’ (Schwartz 41). Ironic, Schwartz explains, while in today’s age, the need for literacy is much more important with the new and continuing change in media is so prevalent. Not only are there typically only three categories of media, but now, there are too many to count, it has become a ‘lightning-fast delivery of a vastly broader and broader based body of text.’ (41) “If anything,” Schwartz said, “our students need to be more literate than before, m ore proficient at deciphering, digesting, and interpreting text, and more proficient at creating it.”

In many schools, journalism is not a fully funded elective course (41), yet as Schwartz points out, the ‘skills taught in a journalism course involving the actual production of a publication are far too valuable to marginalize; just the necessity to learn editing skills makes such programming worth any funds allocated for it.’ (41) Also as pointed out in the article, students should not only be taught the skills of literacy in the class room, which in turn create thought provoked writing, but should also be taught integrity and the difference between fact and opinion. “If the pen is mightier than the sword,” Schwartz said, “why have we abandoned our obligation to teach our youths to appreciate that might?”

You know, life can change so fast... one second it's one way and the next everything has changed. This isn't quite a new concept, but sometimes that change hits us slowly and sometimes it hits us in a matter of seconds. Your heart hurts, your face feels hot, you don't know what to think much less how to think. But life... is what you make it, I suppose. I have been given life, a life that I'm not sure how I deserve it. Father has restored the time of hurt, yet many times I continue to try to learn lessons from a lesson or experience that is over and done with. I haven't learned the lesson of 'moving on.' but I feel this past week and this past weekend have been some significant steps forward in the right direction.

There are still hurts in my life, hurts that I'm not who I feel others need or want me to be, and then it hurts because I find that I'm trying to live for men rather than for Father. The lesson of simply living for Christ is one I'll learn constantly, I think... so that means, I must DAILY shed myself of my fears, of my selfsishness, of my desires, and walk through the gates and focus fully on Father. It's hard sometimes.. Life gets busy, I feel tired, sick, stressed and frustrated, effort to read the word or dwell in the things I need to is hard, especially when I feel I should be studying for a class... so how do I make my priorties a priority? How do I learn to live this semi-adult life while keeping Father first?

It's the age-old question, and I definitely don't have the answer... but I know that Father is calling me to him... and I must follow, and be obedient. Here's the thing.. is that in the midst of 'not knowing the answer' I know all the right answers, yet how to step out and act on those answers, that's the hard part.

I long to be humbled, to be broken, to see with Father's eyes, love with his heart, hear with his ears. And I long to not just say that and have it sound ideal, but I want that... in what is reality. How ironic that bible gateway's verse of the day is James 4:10, humble yourselves before the Lord...

__________________

Also, Seth and I were talking yesterday on the way home from church about how it is really somewhat impossible to share the gospel soley through actions.... because the story of Christ requires more than actions, it requires words... Actions can lead to conversation, sure, but it is the conversation.. that leads to the telling of the gospel.

So.. are we sharing the gospel?

-Lara Nichole

today was my first day back to school.

I think so far my favorite class is.... to be determined.

educational psychology seems pretty interesting.

"Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones you have broken my rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation and uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners shall be converted to You." Psalm 51:7-13

I resolve to be me, to be the person who I was created to be... to live in now, to not live in the past, to not live in the future... to worship my father with my mind, heart, soul and body....and i truly mean it..

• I serve the God who hears, I worship the God who sees me... all of us.He inclines his ear to hear.

• i like film cameras.

• i dislike that film is so difficult to find now... and that the boy at target doesn't know what film IS... what?!

• I like the words to "The more I seek You." I may have Laura sing that at my hypothetical wedding. Also Maurice is going to be a bridesmaid. He and I discussed it today. okay it's not a bridesmaid but we're going to figure it out.

• today I went to the dentist. tomorrow I am going to david's bridal, wednesday I'm going to the eye doctor. thursday i go.. HOME.

I like Bethany Dillon's version of Everlasting God.

I feel like Christ is silencing me. In more than one way. I lost my voice and have been given a temporary voice... a voice that is not my own... (i am sick..) but I very much feel like John's father Zachariah. Perhaps... father is teaching me obedience... we'll see...

life feels like it's changing a lot. I have no clue what tomorrow holds, but in ways it's exciting.

it's 2009.

Dare I say it, but I'm very glad 2008 is over. It was probably the strangest (but needed) year of my life. I don't really want to relive it.