What is your legacy?

Du bist Gnade
Du bist Kraeftig
Du bist Liebe
und du bist Herr

You are Mercy
You are Power
You are Love
and you are God



The time in Cologne has been so amazing, Father as always has done amazing things, and he has taught me and others things that simply draw us closer to his face. It's easy to get so caught up in the things of him and not IN him.

This entry is short, and not so inspiring, but I leave Wednesday for the netherlands and will be back in Hmbg on Friday/Sat

ljo

I found old photos on Lin's computer.


My feet finally have the 'chaco' (teva b/c i am 'uncool') tan lines, except they aren't tan lines at all- they are DIRT lines. Today I prayer walked. For the first time, I felt the call to walk until I could no longer walk, to pray to my Father, Creator, life changer. What I am continuing to learn is that prayer doesn't change God and his plans, yet it changes me and my heart and that Father hears our prayers and is faithful to answer them. I feel like i can see God drawing me closer and closer to him. Today I felt my heart break for all those around-- believers, non. I was broken ruined and at no point did I long to stop praying. At 5:00 i felt the need to pray earnestly for salvation. Specifically. Later, I found out that at that time, someone at the Uni became a believer. That is and only is Father. God has shown me things today that I can't put words to. He has allowed me to cry out to him in a park that he rarely hears worship from-- a part of the park that he is definitely in, but where I long for his church to be planted. My prayer is that I would so decrease and he would so increase that it would only be his prayers, his words, essentially HIM praying to himself for HIS people. "He is mercy, he is power, he is love and he is God."

Today Father allowed me to see things of this world that brought me to tears. Father IS beyond all expression and I truly cannot think that high. I serve a God who is NOT served by human hands- as if he needed anything. SO many times I find myself thankful that even though I am un-needed by my Savior, I am wanted by him, but today I am realizing that i TRULY do want to worship this God, even if he NEVER needs me. If he NEVER would use my self, prideful self, I STILL want to serve him. Why he calls me chosen and why he's unashamed to claim me as his own, i will NEVER known or understand. I WANT to be his. I WANT to come to him, broken and useless, and I long for him to mold my heart-- I long to pray his prayers, and dream his dreams and love with his love. I no longer want ME. I want to so abide in Christ that I truly am the aroma of him. I want to have ONE passion. I want to love with the love of a savior and I don't want my life to be one simply of emotional highs. I want it to be one that is HARD, one where i do feel spent and worn out. I want my feet to smell, I want them to hurt and have dirt lines. I want to find the same Joy I find on the "clean" days, on the days that are dirty and rough and draining, and only in Christ do I want to find my rst. My life is a journey. I love that. I love that I can be real and vulnerable to those around me. I'm glad I can be broken. Many days I DO deny Christ and cling to disobedience. I want to stop that. I know there will be more, i know there will be days i'm not obedient and I will fall short, but I long to strive to abide in him DAILY. Christ called out, he cried out in John 12 for his people to look and SEE. He is LIGHT and he's CRYING OUT!! for us to understand!- Even now. I want eyes to see. I want them to have ears to hear. I want Father to heal this land, to heal our hearts, my heart, the hearts of all the people I come into contact with.

You are my Lord.
You are my God.
You are everything
I want or need.
You are more beautiful
than anything.
You're all I long for
and all I want to see.

Let me live, finally Lord, let me live for you.

Closer, closer to his face he is drawing me, and it's because he has brought me new life. Yes, I am overseas and learning a new culture, and learning new 'way of life' in the physical, but I'm also learning that just as it says in 2 Corinthians that Christ died, so that we may life our life for his name and his glory and no longer for ourselves.

I'm truly learning what it looks like to have a gentle and quiet spirit. To be a supporter, an encourager. I'm learning how to pray and what to pray and how powerful prayer truly is-- I don't always have to have the right words-- it's okay not to. I don't have to live on past experiences or even use them as examples for others because even as it says in 1 john that Christ's testimony is so much more and stronger than our own. I long, as i've said in posts before to know Christ and him crucified and that's it!

Something a friend and mentor told me in a conversation has been sticking in my mind the past week. "People don't relate to 'perfect' people. They relate to broken people." This is something in my mind i've known, but it's nice to put the thoughts into words. Brokenness and desperation are things people can relate to, truth and reality are things we should live with and openly with. Christ knows me behind all my disguises. He knows my fears. He knows my struggles and my worries. He knows what makes me upset and sad and weepy and sorrowful, he knows my pride and my selfishness. He knows ME and he knows my heart.

I'm learning to trust people with my heart and my struggles-- to be open and honest, so that at the end of the day or in the morning Steph or Shan or my confidants can ask "how are your thoughts today?!" "Are you listening to the voice of truth?"

My prayer is that Father would kill the selfishness in me and continue to draw me to him. To show me what it looks like to live in the spirit and abiding in him, to not continually compare myself to others and dwell in my insecurities. To hand my fears and 'failures' over to him.


Many times Father has more faith in me than i have in myself, and I'm learning the reality of that statement.

Today so far has been wonderful and it has only started! I saw "S" a friend that I met last year that has been a continual friend throughout the year through myspace. but i didn't have the chance to talk to her because we were both switching trains, so hopefully we can get in contact!

Today I'm going to have lunch at the E-Special with Lin and i'm excited, not to talk about what Father is doing in my life but to hear about what he's doing in hers. My pr is that he can use the small amount of time to encourage both of us. I adore her and her heart and passion for Father.

I love you all, thanks for your prayers, Father is and has been and is continuing to do HUGE things

<3 me

Ah, Lord GOD! It is you who has made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. - Jeremiah 32:17

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing what concern, what readiness to see justice done... - Paul, 2 Corinthians 7

I've been reading 2 Corinthians for the 3rd time with Steph, and the third time around, this is what i've been sitting on: "But just as you excel in everything-- in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness , and in your love for us-- see that you also excel in the grace of giving. I am not commanding you, but I want you to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. (8:7-8). I've been 'sitting' on what it looks like to test the sincerity of my love. What it looks like to excel in faith, speech, knowledge, complete earnestness ... I long for that.... with these things not only will i grow a better person, patient, kind, able to encourage and mentor, a better daughter, a better sister and friend, and perhaps someday a wife who can communicate on every level understanding and support and encouragement and love... in all of those areas, but I will learn and know and meet more of this God that I so long to serve. I've got a long way to go, but i long to excel. I long to know Father more. I pray this not only over myself but over every single person that is dear to me and even those who I walk by daily.

Few know and/or realize that the Beatles' first gig was in Hamburg, in December of 1960 on Grosse Freiheit, a street off of the Reeperbahn. One of their former band members, Sutcliffe stayed in Hamburg with his fiance, and upon their third come to Hamburg the band found out he died from a brain hemorrhage -- I'm not sure how that information is significant to this post, i just found it interesting. Soon after his death, Epstein took over management of the band, and sought out a British Record Label. From beginning to play for audiences on the streets of Hamburg to Liverpool, to the whole world, I have failed to meet anyone who has never heard of the Beatles. That is my vision for Grossefreiheit today. Father is doing something huge in that area, that I can see reaching all of Hamburg, from there all of Germany, from there all of Europe, and the world. Father is a God who works in ways we cannot even fathom, what he's doing and what he's been doing is beyond my grasp and beyond my mind's ability to even think. He is full of power and strength and he IS mighty to save, and he IS the author of salvation.

Today I was reading, and I have been sitting on the idea of the manifestation of the word. "The life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it, and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with Father and was made manifest to us-- that which we have seen and heard and proclaim also to you..." (1 john 1:2-3a) He has made it manifest, or clear to us, so much so that we cannot deny who he is. Some days I do want to, but I know I can't deny what I've seen or heard, and what's even more powerful than my own testimony is the testimony of Christ.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend of mine from the states. She and I took a german class together my first semester in Angelo and she has studied in Hannover during the second semester! It was nice to see her and catch up and hear about all her adventures, and it simply made me extremely excited to begin schooling and knowing all the relationships that will begin with other erasmus students (exchange students), locals, and other germans. I look forward to then but I'm also so encouraged in what is happening right now!

Today has been good. We woke up and went to many afghan shops looking for some necessities, etc. I've found such a love for these stores and the people who own them. I love their culture so so so much, and more so I adore the generosity and the kindness of the people! Since then I have been sleeping. I'm sick. Sore throat, runny nose, headache, earache, congestion, etc, etc, etc. But resting has been nice, and I'm sure it'll clear up soon. Currently I'm reviewing my German prepositions, and later will spend some down time with S & C. Tomorrow we're going to pray downtown, and i'm excited to see what all Father is continuing to do in that area!

Next thursday we leave to spend the rest of July with the interns in Koln. My prayer is that I can be an encourager from the background. Each intern is such an encouragement, and I'm excited to catch back up with them. It'll be nice to be there because then I'll know how to pray for them more specifically! I'm also excited to see my favorite kids, and spend more time with the S fam.

As always, Father is doing so much and I will leave you with his words, not mine...

'Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.' So the man went away and began to tell... how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed. - Mark 5:19-20

I hate fads. If people begin to read a book and it becomes popular, I won't want to read it. If everyone begins to like a certain band, I stop. I wanted my nose pierced and when I found out many others did too, I found myself wanting to take my piercing out. When I began realizing many people were wearing chacos/tevas, I instantly found myself wearing mine less. I don't want to fit into a nice 'christian' mold. I don't want to be seen as stereotypical, or as belonging to a fad-- something that lasts for a season and then fades away. As overseas missions becomes more popular, I begin to evaluate my reasons for coming overseas. Am I truly doing over here for Christ or am I here for something else to put on my 'spiritual resume', am I here because I want to live vicariously through others' faith? What am I doing here?

The past three summers I have spent overseas, and I've only been given those opportunities because Christ allowed it, but every year, even this one I learn more and more that regardless of where i live, we're all called. We are all called to reach the lost, we are all called to build relationships. The harvest is ready. Sometimes, we fail to see what God is doing because our hearts are hardened. We don't see people the way Christ sees them. We don't see people for who they are-- that they too, have hurts and joys and longings just as each of us do. That their souls are crying out. God sees every person. He knows every person, he cries over each and every soul. His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He knows us, better than we even know ourselves.

I'm tired of hearing believers who feel called overseas saying they can't stand the United States. I'm tired of believers who are in the United States not supporting foreign missions. And I'm definitely not saying that all Christians fall into one of those two categories but what I am saying is that I'm TIRED of all the crap. If we truly believe, if we really are seeking Christ we will see that Christ is calling us to reach out to those who are hungry, to those who are weak. To those who are desperate to know him. AND YES even to those who don't appear to be any of those. He not only calls us to the good soil but to the rough places and hard soil as well. He tells us to GO and speak his name. We're called to pour over souls and areas with prayer. We're called to share him, we're called to build relationships with others where they are at. We aren't called to turn people into projects, and we're also not called to live a content life of me-o logy. We're called to pursue love, and to eagerly desire Christ and his word (1 Corinthians).

Today as C-dawg spoke through tears he said "Men aren't stepping up, they are giving up." Are we giving up? Do we realize what "God's will" is? Following Christ means living as he lived, loving people the way he did and telling people about the God that is much much bigger than they or we are.... and the love he offers. Christ calls us to ASK for the nations. Is that truly the cry of our hearts? Is that truly the cry of my heart? In John 6, many disciples turn away from Christ and his teachings, because they realize it's hard stuff. It's beyond grasp, and to the world it's unreasonable and unfathomable. Christ turns to the 12 and asks, "Do you want to go away as well?" I love Peter's response. "Where, Lord, would we go?" They had seen and tasted of truth, he was and is undeniable. Where else would we go?

I'm called to the nations. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm called overseas (although if i am, I'll definitely take that), but it means that as a believer I am called to all people. And just as Paul, I strive to be all things to all people so that they may know the God I serve. I have no idea where my life will lead me, but I do know that wherever I am, i hope that I abide in Christ daily, I hope that I remember to put on the full armor of God daily, and can continually realize when i have parts of it off. I hope that in the seasons of my life when I feel far from God that I will cry in the night just as David did that he would restore to me the joy of my salvation.

We're all called.

Today S, a local believer looked at me, Steph and Shan before we went prayer walking and said, I can tell in your eyes you 3 have the armor on, and we're going in {to battle}. Father is doing HUGE huge HUGE things in the city of Hamburg, and he's only using me for a teensy teensy fraction of it. But I long to seek Christ, and I long to labor. The enemy constantly tells me i'm unworthy and that i'm incapable, and undesired not only by those around me but even by Christ, but i'm tired of believing those lies, and I want to strive to stand firm. To strengthen my weak knees and lift my drooping hands. I want to stop being distracted by the things OF Christ such as programs and 'missions,' but I want to look full in his face, unveiled. And my prayer is that you would join (because not only is Christ calling you but I need help being kept accountable) Just as Jesus told the disciples in John 4 -- do you not say 4 more months until the harvest? Look up. The harvest is here.

So, are you ready to wage war?