What is your legacy?

three years ago, every single day I was having conversations with girls who I had never met. Conversations on the phone about Father, about the upcoming summer, about what was to take place, about those who were seeking and longing to know more, but didn't know how or where to begin... about Germany.. and about praying to see FATHER in the "fatherland." I will never forget sitting outside on the grass, up against the brick of the house talking to Jenn. Talking about life, about pains, about joys. Laughing with a beautiful Gina on the phone... I knew Jesus was in their lives fervently, planting his heart into theirs... replacing our hearts, with his...so where does this lead, how does this play into today? I heard and felt and saw the heart of Father in them... my prayer that year was that my longing for Japan, my wants which were not bad, and biblical based, would be replaced with the longing and the heart of Father.

So tonight, I have felt a tug at my heart. My prayer that my heart would continue to match up with Father's. I have many passions... cut up my heart into sections, each section defining a passion, you'd have a million pieces... so imagine how i feel as I feel those millions and millions of longings pulling at me, tugging at me. "Where do I go, father? You are my home, you are my deepest longing... where you lead, THERE I will follow." So as I am being called, I pray that all those passions become intertwined into the one heart they belong to.. that my heart is no longer the heart of Lara Johnson, but Father's heart.

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. - psalm 62:8



So, I want to learn to love.
I want to learn to love with the love of a savior.
I want to learn to love with HIS heart.
I want to decrease, so he may increase.
Less of me.



<3

Seen glory results in faith.

It's a thought I've been mulling over, the past few hours. See, the thing is this: I have never seen Jesus. Literally, I suppose not. But I've seen him, I've seen Christ, I've seen his glory, and constantly Father reveals himself, his son, which once seen and felt and heard with my self, with my senses, I draw near to him, this produces faith. As more of Christ is revealed to me, whether through reading the word, through the experiences he places me in. Father gives eyes to see, ears to hear. To see who? to hear who? Him. His glory, brings us to faith.

I like the thought.

Also, I felt like quite the idiot, but yesterday for the first time i caught the symbolism of Christ dying on a tree. Sin was brought into the world through a tree (Adam and Eve ate fruit from tree of life) and sin was paid for when Christ died on the 'tree.'

Now for Photos I have found on my parents' computer











a photo from meg's wedding and i look hilarious in the background and a photo o fme and daddy from Hamburg...

after looking at photos, i just want to go. Not to germany, not to a certain place, just go. To cherish and treasure every relationship that I have been strategically placed in. To pour out in pr, to be intentional, to know what Father is calling me to, to have Father be my focus and to be all things to all people.

xx

for your viewing entertainment:


Er kommt aus Hannover, und er ist ganz wunderbar. :) Ich liebe Olli Pocher and watch this even if you don't know german, because the language is SO GORGEOUS... give it a chance! Oliver pocher is in one of my favorite German movies, and I own it, so if you learn the language, your reward is watching it with me.... :) That's to all my readers. Olli is a comedian, and he is teaching kindergarten in this episode. My favorite part is at the end when the kid is sad and he's trying to figure out what's wrong. Dang, i love German, it's beautiful. also i'm obviously tired and need to go to sleep b/c i'm rambling

I don't know how to drive. I am 22 years old and I don't know how to drive, and I need to learn, but there is something in me that doesn't want to, but something in me that becomes so angry when I realise how much of a fool I feel when I can't do things on my own, when other people my age have children and families and a life. I have a life, and life is much different when I am living in other places... and simply put: i need to get over whatever it is and I need to learn to drive.

Father is hitting me hard tonight and it hurts, a lot. I find in myself a want for more and a cluelessness in how to fulfill that. I want more.

I don't know where to start all the time. I don't know how to express myself, and I just want... peace. I want comfort.

Bethany Dillon's words for some reason are ringing in my ears...

I've been him, and I've been her
Covered up under the dirt
I want to get out
I want to be free
And know where I'm going

Thought I belonged
But I know I don't
Thought I had love
But it is not enough
An aching inside speaking to me
How could I feel like this
So aimless


----


so parts of me feels a bit irrational... but Christ is my aim, and I want to draw toward and seek him.


also i took this from billy v's blog, but i love Celebration of Discipline and it reminded me of things

Hsu closes this chapter by referencing 10 guidelines for practicing simplicity from Foster’s Celebration of Discipline. Here are a few:
1. Buy things for their usefulness rather than their status.
2. Reject anything that is producing an addiction in you.
3. Develop a habit of giving things away.
4. Learn to enjoy things without owning them. (library books, as i believe bill v suggested)
5. Develop a deeper appreciation for God’s creation.
6. Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others.
7. Shun anything that distracts you from seeking first the kingdom of God.

I hung out with the Moores at the nursing home last night. As every time, Father taught me in ways i never even expected.

So much of me wants to go into detail, but I feel the beauty isn't in the description of the place, or the events, yet the simplicity of it all, exclaims the greatness and the beauty of our God.

Lately, I have been infatuated with histories of carols, due to a book I got from Sams Club (Then Sings my Soul)

One in particular is I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day...
read this history:

The ravages of the war directly inspired another carol, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day," which was penned by Maine native Henry Wadsworth Longfellow around 1862. The sadness of this song reflects Longfellow's grief over the 1861 death of his second wife (burned to death at home when candles ignited her clothing), his bitter opposition to the war, and the sorrow of his son Charles having been gravely injured in battle. The poet's staunch Yankee views also show through in the original version of the text, from which three particularly partisan stanzas were dropped when the poem was set to music in 1872.

The excised stanzas include such lines as "Then from each black, accursed mouth / The cannon thundered in the South" and "It was as if an earthquake rent / The hearth-stones of a continent." Retained, however, were the following two poignant passages:

"'There is not peace on earth,' I said
'For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men"

and

"Then pealed the bells more loud and deep
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep,
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.'"

This morning has been full of Germany memories. And i kind of miss it. (of course)

I had just finished crying, and sara took my photo at Balzac. But even though I had just cried, this is one of my favorite memories, because sara was there for me and made me laugh so hard, while crying so hard... and for some reason i love that..


My first time to make sushi in Hamburg, Germany:



Our 50millionth visit to the landesmuseum :-) I absolutely love this photo

I want to know Christ more. I want to experience him more. In the past weeks my life has been turned upside down in many good ways. I find myself... as who I used to be: excited. Excited about the unexpected-ness of Father... about now, about the future. About HIM. I'm excited about Christ, and as Colby Ivey always would say while in Japan, "I'm so excited." ... So i suppose excitement is the theme of this post.

That is why I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are at Rome.- Paul, Romans 1

Father has been using this song in my life lately:


Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You

Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You

You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

please visit my new favorite worship band's virb and listen to them:
http://www.virb.com/sojournmusic

also i love this movie:

I feel horribly sick. I'm not exactly sure why, although I think it has to do with a lack of rest, not eating well, and stress from exams and my thoughts/worries.

My mind keeps tracing back to a year ago, and how I spent the holidays. The year in Germany feels like a dream. I don't talk about it much, and when I do it's a small memory here and there, but to be honest, that year is the one year my life was shaped, formed and molded. My heart grew to love, it grew to hate. I fell and I stood back up, and I grew up in Germany. Don't get me wrong... I still have a lot of growing up to do.

I was once told by Brandon Mclean that I was too mature for my age. Too mature in my thoughts, and my understanding and passion for Father... He told me it was a good thing, but probably why I hurt when others didn't understand, or care to understand. I'm not sure why I think the way I do, why I went home crying on Sundays during high school because no one cared or understood the words that were read from the Bible or the true love and faith of Father. At the beginning of the semester I recieved a phone call from (one of)my favorite couple(s), Krystle and Brent.. and Krystle pointed out that she was recently wondering why she didn't understand the things I would talk about in Sunday School during High School and why she was just now beginnign to understand those things. She said she admired me. I mention this because I don't understand... I say all this because I'm trying to work it out. What makes me so different? and am I really different? I honestly 100 percent believe that I have a capability of understanding things with my mind and with my head but it is harder for me to act out, to understand things with my heart and simply GO.

When I was overseas it was incredibly hard for me to share my life with others. With believers, sure... sharing life was easy. People constantly noticed my heart for discipleship, for helping others understand what Father is calling us to do, and people immediately noticed my heart for worship... but there were weeks when I would never see the chance, or take the chance, to share my story or my faith. I was damaged. My heart was confused. How could I say that this is what we're supposed to do, while at the same time I can't share Christ the way I would like to. I was challenged to learn to live life with nonbelievers once I got home. I was instructed to find a church home, but to stay away from Christian clubs on campus, mainly because i would quickly find myself in a Christian bubble... unable to learn life with nonbelievers. Living overseas doesn't really equal having constant believers around. On the way to San Angelo in August of 2006, this was reinfored, as I listened to Afshin say "If our prime directive was to become saved, wouldn't we simply go to heaven after we accepted Christ... we obviously are here for something else." I wanted to learn life. And San Angelo brought that to me.... and really prepared me for a year abroad.

I've been given friendships overseas, Betti, Lena, Jana, Jessica, The S family, Park, Bogdan, and more. He has set a passion in my heart for them, for their life and their culture, and the year overseas put me in situations that were relationship built and it was life. We sat over coffee/dinner discussing philosophy and faith. We laughed, we shopped, we got to know each other.... and I shared my life, and my story. Last Christmas, we sat in the warmth of a german house, with no germans around, but we read Luke. I somehow became fluent in German, was able to read the story and talk about my faith. We played music, we laughed, we drank wassel :-) <3 It was glorious.

So this Christmas, I remember that. And my prayer is that the family remembers the story of Christ during this season, remembers the festivities, and yearns and longs to seek out Christ.

That's my heart's cry. I want them to know, and I love them, and I really want to sit with them and drink tea and speak our foreigner's german. right now, please.

Alison brought up a good point the other day.

A football player jumps at any chance to play football. He may play for a certain team, but if someone says hey let's go play out in the yard, he is not going to say, no way man i can only play with my team. To some extent the same is of our faith... and where we are called to go. We are called no matter where we are to tell, to go. To "play" in the arena God has called us to, but if he calls us to go to Japan/Germany for a few weeks, we should go... God may call us to represent him there a bit longer than a few weeks... maybe a few years, maybe our lives, but where we are... that's where we're to play. We may be called to a certain place, but if we are given the opportunity to go overseas or share our faith where we are... Why wait? We're not called to a certain place. We're called to share our faith..... The harvest is here. Play ball. (heh)


---- she says it a lot better, they were her original thoughts.

I used to think the idea of sitting in the lap of Christ was the corniest idea ever, because God is so much more than that. But today, we were singing 'come ye sinner, weak and weary, come ye wounded, sick and sore.... i will arise and go to Jesus...he will embrace me in his arms" and I realised how uncorny that thought can be. And I realised that Father has been teaching me that over the past 17 months.

There's a lot more learning and a lot more knowledge with my heart that I now understand, and it is very hard to portray through this certain blog post.



---------

let's just say
that there is no one like our God and i'm infatuated and in love with him.

thoughts lara thinks while sitting in class


thought number one:

I love to pray. I don't do it often enough, but I love to pray. I have seen and felt and been a witness to the power of prayer, and I love being drawn to pray.

So, I say that to say this... when it comes to reading the word, my brain and mind has been settling in on 2nd Corinthians for the past two weeks. As I read I find myself drawn to prayer. I find myself literally overwhelmed by the words of Paul. I want to pray to him, about him, to know him. I want to pray for others, for nations, for this campus, for my friends, for those i'm close to, and for faces i've only seen once, and for faces i've never seen. I want to pray that I am that letter of Christ, written not with ink but with the spirit of the Living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts. I want to pray that I... we... find our sufficiency from God, because that is where it comes from and to know that with not only our heads but our hearts... and to pray for understanding that because of Christ we can come to God with unveiled faces... these aren't new things for me to hear or to read but I'm drawn to pray this and so much more... I'm only to the 3rd chapter in 2nd Corinthians and I have even skipped over important parts.... But here is where I struggle I have been drawn to pray, I have been called to pray, and I long to abide in Christ and draw toward him... yet I read this and I say 'Oh THIS is good!' But i haven't prayed. I haven't obeyed that sense of drawing.... and I want that to change.


thought number two:

I decided today, that I want all my dreams to come true. Okay, so that seems like a stupid decision, because who doesn't want their dreams to come true. So rephrasing this would mean: Today I decided, that all my dreams will come true. I'm very excited, as this means I will be living in Ireland. I will also be living in Japan and perhaps Norway (i haven't decided if this is a dream of mine yet... just a thought). I will also visit Lithuania and hang out with Rasmina (I did not tag her in this because she cannot speak English...)This also means I will have a happy life, in which Father gets the glory and not myself. I will also get married and have a daughter who's name is Kana Liane. I know dreams change, but my dreams are coming true. And that, Dave, is a fact. What's cool is I have friends who have and continue to help those dreams come true. Thanks, Clyde

thought number three:

Today in physics, we talked about how we cannot know the future because we cannot know the present. I'm pretty sure it was talking about particles... in some form, of which I do not know. But what I do know is that I 100 percent believe is that Father spoke to me in that moment last night when i was studying, and again when during Scott Williams, Ph.D's lecture today. I don't feel like analyzing the thought, because I'm still a bit at a loss for words regarding it.

thought number four:

Today Tina Doyle said this in my photography class: "It is a pain to do anything worthwhile."
Think about it.
I will quote myself. "Pain gives more than it takes."

thought number five:

I am very thankful for life. I am happier than I have been in a really long time, I enjoy what I do and what I will be doing. Last night, this kid who I don't even know, but Seth knows well- Lane, he drives a motorcycle, he's a ginger, and he comes to the biology lab, and he's usually loud and i get him paper... asked us at Hastings "What am I doing with my life?" Seth was encouraging. "You're going to be a doctor." But it was in that moment that I realised something. When we ask that question, it's not really a "what am i going to be doing with my life?" It's a.. what am i living for NOW? Who am I living for? What does my life amount to... RIGHT NOW? We always think we should strive for the future... when we are called to live in the present, of which we are unsure of. OH wait a minute... this goes back to thought number...three. So now, I will close.

Love you guys

xxx
Lara jo

I have new passions. Some trivial, some less so.

As we all know, and as is obvious, since you are reading my BLOG (short for web-log) I love writing. This has always been obvious. I have tons and tons of journals, I always write. I have different 'genres' - the occasional poetry, when that 'girl' who has no name, but is referred to by pronoun only, depending on which case it is... her, or she... or news writing. News writing... i love it. I love seeking out news, I love delivering well-written stories... and I want to do better. Lately I can't get my brain focused on studying for exams because I have my brain stuck in newspapers from other schools, seeing how they do things differently, how they do some things better and I want to strive for that. I want to be better, I want to continue to give the voiceless a voice, and I want to write the stories that matter. I want to write things people long to read, or write something that someone SHOULD care about and when they start reading it, find a new passion for something. I want to pass on passions, I want people to care about the society they live in, the community they live in, the generation they live in.

For example: Obama chose his national security team yesterday. The team whose main initiative is to END THE WAR IN IRAQ!! A lot of people know this, but a lot of people don't know this. This is information students want to know about, but don't take the time to know about it. I can't fix this, but I can put it in a paper that they might pick up and might be affected by... and in doing so, I learn more about my heart, learn more about my passions, learn more about my desires, and my faith.... I love that. Everything is so intertwined.

also, yesterday it was declared as official: The ECONOMY is in RECESSION. officially... important information, friends.

I used to be apathetic, but not so much anymore.
My main initiative is my faith, it comes first... and I feel like Father is drawing me to seek HIS glory in all that I do, and that means kicking ass at telling the news, at telling the stories... at seeking out the news that students NEED and want to hear. Again, I can't get my head out of my papers and my writing and my ideas to focus on studying.... this may be a problem, but in ways it is also exciting. I love having something to be passionate about. I don't feel like I am sitting on the wayside anymore living a life who's heart beats just to stay alive. My heart beats for a passion of telling, of sharing, of educating... and write now I'm called to do that through a student newspaper. My heart now beats to reach out, it's not about me, it's not about my name, but it's about telling... and oh how so many analogies can be pulled from this about my faith.
I WANT THE APATHY to stop... but it's a human struggle, regarding politics, economics, family, relationships, religion and most importantly: true faith

I also, really have a new obsession with WORDLE. It's pretty slick, joe.
www.wordle.net

watch this... I took everything i just wrote and made this... or rather, the Web site made it.





pretty rock star.

Today has been weird, dave.
Not normal. (That would be the definition of weird... right??) But sometimes, that is needed. I learned some things about myself. Learned where my heart is. Learned I know what I believe. Was brought back to a lonely day on a train from dusseldorf to koln, in which i was challenged and in which i failed and cried tears, wishing I knew how to speak... and I learned. :-) I somewhat... love, today.

<3
LaNiJo <3

i read this today at radiant magazine... it was in an email. I guess they aren't always corny articles

The writer of Hebrews tells us that in order for Jesus to help us, and in order for Him to be a high priest who is merciful and faithful, He had to be like us in every respect. Jesus was enveloped by the same environment that envelops us, tempted by the same deceiver that tempts us, and wounded by the same vice that wounds us (yet in all of this, He did not sin). He can help us because He knows the way, and He can be merciful and faithful because He understands. He resonates with our exploited hearts and knows the brokenness of our souls. His empathy is a great and wondrous comfort.

While the eyes of thieves stealthily covet our earthly treasures and while our intimate friends maliciously betray our weary hearts, I am thankful that we have a Helper. One who has already experienced the journey, paved the conquering way, and sweetly embraces us in arms of understanding.

(Matthew 26:14-50; Hebrews 2:16-18; 2 Peter 3:10)