I don't know how to drive. I am 22 years old and I don't know how to drive, and I need to learn, but there is something in me that doesn't want to, but something in me that becomes so angry when I realise how much of a fool I feel when I can't do things on my own, when other people my age have children and families and a life. I have a life, and life is much different when I am living in other places... and simply put: i need to get over whatever it is and I need to learn to drive.

Father is hitting me hard tonight and it hurts, a lot. I find in myself a want for more and a cluelessness in how to fulfill that. I want more.

I don't know where to start all the time. I don't know how to express myself, and I just want... peace. I want comfort.

Bethany Dillon's words for some reason are ringing in my ears...

I've been him, and I've been her
Covered up under the dirt
I want to get out
I want to be free
And know where I'm going

Thought I belonged
But I know I don't
Thought I had love
But it is not enough
An aching inside speaking to me
How could I feel like this
So aimless


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so parts of me feels a bit irrational... but Christ is my aim, and I want to draw toward and seek him.


also i took this from billy v's blog, but i love Celebration of Discipline and it reminded me of things

Hsu closes this chapter by referencing 10 guidelines for practicing simplicity from Foster’s Celebration of Discipline. Here are a few:
1. Buy things for their usefulness rather than their status.
2. Reject anything that is producing an addiction in you.
3. Develop a habit of giving things away.
4. Learn to enjoy things without owning them. (library books, as i believe bill v suggested)
5. Develop a deeper appreciation for God’s creation.
6. Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others.
7. Shun anything that distracts you from seeking first the kingdom of God.