What is your legacy?

She sits outside, danging her feet and cuddling in the warmth of her coat... in this moment, joy is felt. The leaves if not fallen, are falling-- ballerinas quietly and gently creating an arabesque fluttering in the autumn sky. As they land, the leaves on the ground gently move to the rhythm of it's fall, and silently settle back down into the position in which it laid. The colors are vibrant-- and she questions how something that is "death" be something that is so beautiful. It surely was Christ that made her path cross Maria's today. As soon as the conversation began she knew the conversation was an answered prayer someone had prayed over her that day. Maria came from Hungary and had just found out her great grandson had been born 3 hours earlier... in Colorado. Maria asked the girl her name, and upon finding out spoke of Dr. Zhivago. She asked her if she had a boyfriend and after the short conversation Maria replied... "I really think you are in love, I can tell in your eyes.." Maria's eyes shown as well as she talked about traveling and her grandkids. Coming back to present time, the girl gazed back upon the leaves as she smiled upon the memory of the day -- the divine interruption, just as a German couple walked by with a warm smile and a "Guten Tag!" She smiled back and said "Hallo!" as she gathered her things and entered the church for a warm night ahead.

1. Apfelschorle. Apple juice...carbonated. i hate apple juice, this summer i hated apfelschorle. now, i crave it. explain that?
2. Tomatensaft... Tomato Juice? I love it. I crave it. I want it DAILY.
3. Chocolate Soy Pudding. Is so delicious.
4. Vanille Johgurt und Muesli. Vanilla Yogurt and Cereal (oats/dried fruit). delicious.
5. Gefuellte Hertzen... lebkuchen mit feiner fruchtfuellung!! -- like chocolate and gingerbread and orange filling.. delicious, and a holiday treat! i love holidays!
6. Apple Cinnamon Latte. Not apple cider... coffee. confusing. yes. yummy, yes. ... and found at balzac, which i officially like way better than starbucks.
7. German Multi-Vitamin Tabletten. -- Basically one-a-day with vitamins from a-z! but i like it better here because it comes with a huge chart telling you what each vitamin does for you.
8. Tomatos and Mozerella und bread. - yummy.
9. Mag's egg rolls. (she's from hong kong).

my camera makes silly noises.

no one make fun of me for this video.
it's kinda boring and just like all my normal posts i RAMBLE. i can't keep a straight thought apparently.

well, the visa stuff... it all depends on how fast my dad can get to houston and i dunno, we really don't have all this money to do this. It cost money to get to houston AND it's another $40 for this document....and it really needs to be done as soon as possible, if not i won't be able to get paid for my first month of work (well, yet....) I'm so frustrated and feel so out of control, but that's part of the lesson. My family really doesn't have enough money for all this and i feel horrible that they are all coming for christmas...but to get money from my job, i have to have my visa... i have to have my visa to get my work permit... my work permit to get my social security card, and my social to get paid. and money to pay for my apartment, and food... is always nice. So i really am learning a lot... about money, and trust, and faith and hope... and being strong.

I think what frustrates me more is that i started working on Visa stuff in feb, so i wouldn't have to deal with this... but they told me to do it all in Hannover, which obviously is definitely not the case.

I really want to get out of my room and do something and i want to sit in a coffee shop and study and journal and read the word, but to do that i feel obligated to buy something... but i've allotted 10 euros a week for myself, and that includes groceries and such. and luckily i can take bottles back and get money for them... not much but it'll end up adding up i'm sure.

i'm also noticing my blogs have as of late become more "I" driven, rather than how they used to be. I'll work on this. <3

I've been through a week of classes, more paperwork, and STILL more to come, and a visa meeting on Monday (which hopefully will be the last one). I've still had those hours and minutes that I become so lonesome and feel as if this life is worth nothing, that I'm unworthy and aching, hurting and longing for home, but I have other moments and hours in which I am fine. Today was particularly difficult, but after I get past the bump of the day, I begin to realize what exactly Father is doing. So many times i want to question and say, "Lara, where is your faith?" But it is there... I have faith, and trust, it's just abiding in Christ... and allowing him to take ahold of my heart. Allowing myself to be vulnerable to him.

I'm finding myself less confident in my german speaking skills rather than more confident and that scares me. I'm trying to find the time and discipline to study on my own. As I was studying yesterday I found myself ashamed of myself for not knowing some things that are so simple... but that is what learning language entails... learning the simple things.. .sometimes years later. Life is like that too.. i'm learning as well.

I have met some wonderful wonderful people here. Many from England who have invited me into their community, and have gotten into conversations with me about life, love, happiness, sadness, failures, successes, joys and hopes... Father truly has directed many of the conversations and it's my prayer that He will continue to decrease anything that is of me, and increase himself.

I'm attending the International Bible Church here. I have met so many wonderful people, in particular M and S. Already Father has used both in my life and i'm so eager to see how he grows the relationships.

I'm also really excited to hear from the folks in Hamburg how things are going, especially with the love club (see past entries from this summer). Father is doing something HUGE.

I'm learning, I'm maturing. I still have many doubts and worries and stresses, yet I love being here, and I love the culture, I love the life here, even though there are days where my fleshly concerns and failures get to me...

Thank you guys for reading this...

Lara <3>

I'm learning that I seek to find comfort in people and situations, and when all the familiar faces are gone, when all the situations are out of my control, I am lost, I break and collapse. I find myself trying to seek the comfort of Christ, but i find myself having a difficult time doing so. I'm tired of being so depressed, and sad, and down, I want to be happy, I long for that... but many times I don't know where to begin. All I knew has been stripped away, and I have to come before Christ and allow myself vulnerable to him. I'm learning something huge. I'm learning what it feels like to want someone's whole self, and not being able to obtain that. Wanting to hear things, and longing to be acknowledged, EVEN when you know the things you want to hear are thought, you want them voiced. Does Christ feel like this with me? I want Christ to have my full heart, but I think sometimes as I hold my heart out, I am clutching it and not willing to let go.

It's been 18 days, and I'm growing....

Lara

Tonight, I was given an opportunity that I could never had imagined. Sitting in her living room talking to her about life, I was so enthralled with hers. Her love for Father, her love for life, her love for her culture was quite amazing. Later that evening, we sat down to a dinner fit for kings and queens made by her husband, along with two others, one from church, another who's recent story and recent loss touched my heart tremendously. I am still touched by the generosity, the kind words, the giving spirits, and the smiles and laughter and conversation had. I will cherish this memory forever, and I look forward to the more dinners with them to come.


I attended my first class today, and I think it will be a wonderful experience. I am of course not looking forward to ALL the work... but that's how all classes are. I have another class tomorrow, and a few more coming up in the next days. I am worried about many of them, mainly being able to understand "what is going on." I am taking classes for those LEARNING german, and i'm not in the super advanced classes, but still EVERYTHING is in german... so it can be a little intimidating. <3

The first week is coming to a close, and I must say it was 5million times worse than basecamp ever was and ever will be, somewhat because I had no believers to pray with and to be encouraged by, but also because it is a whole bunch of legal things that i dont even understand in ENGLISH. There is still more on the way this next week, but I can feel my heart beginning to calm down. Even though I never want to go through these weeks again, (EVER!) I am thankful for them. They will make dealing with things in the states and with things there much much easier. It has been extremely amazing to see how faithful Father has been, even though there have been many times when I felt he was so far, that he wasn´t even real.. but he is, and he has shown that to me this week. He has come through for me on things and made things more simple, he has shown me steps to take and has not only prepared me for things but is guiding me through them. I hope to go on Sunday to the International Church. Hopefully soon I will have internet of my own, and I will be in the new apartment I will live in while here. I think after those things I will feel more settled not only physically but mentally as well.

Pray that I am able to find like-minded believers to build friendships with, and that I am as well, a light and a friend to all those who I have met thus far, etc.

Lara