What is your legacy?

**warning i was def in a weird mood when i wrote this and side note to all of you.. i definately DID start falling asleep again at the fachhochschule while writing this and i decided not to repeat what I had done a couple of days before and I came back to the hostel and slept for 2 hours in the staff room... it was much needed sleep, but it's so hard to even WANT to sleep when you want to be on the field...



I am sitting in the Fachhochschule (school of applied sciences) in the library, watching people study. Okay…. No, watching GUYS study. Because you see, just like in America VERY FEW girls are interested in subjects such as engineering, and cars and polymer junk. I promise… the fact that there are MANY boys here, is definitely not the reason I feel inclined to spend so much time here. I just sat here asking a guy who speaks very little English what he is studying and he had to tell me like 3 times and it wasn’t that I didn’t understand what he was saying in Deutsch, nor did I understand the subject he was telling me in English, I just didn’t know what he was saying… because the topic is so over my head. He finally said, “cars, I study cars.” Ooooh Alright. Way to go me, not only am I a ‘dumb American’ I look like the token dumb American girl. So, why exactly do I feel called to this area? I have had a special place in my heart for this school since we had visited it last year, and this year, I have continually wanted to come to the school. And to make matters worse it seems J thinks this is where I need to be also. First of all, it’s confusing, because there are so few girls, second of all, I don’t understand anything about science… I would rather be at the university speaking with philosophy or journalism students. However, here I sit in the library watching people argue over what they are studying, watching people laugh and sip their coffee, watching people hold their head in their hands because they are so tired of studying. Sounds typical of a college library, ja?

However, as I sit here I notice that it is in the strangest places here that God stirs my heart… For example, the obvious is here, but I LOVE going to do my laundry. Not because the crazy cool machine that pours soap or being able to sit on a washing machine and listen to my ipod, but because people just sit there waiting on laundry and strike up conversations. People that I know I would see on the street and think “ooh scary, but what a cute dog” or someone I would see and think “man, I wish I had the drive to just say HI to this lady” are not so intimidating anymore. I think it has something to do with seeing someone's underwear as the put them in the washing machine that makes it easier to talk to them. Ah haha... psyche.

I made the mistake of telling M (a professor here at the school and a good friend of J’s) that I need to practice my German, because I’m going to school here in a year. Now he only speaks to me auf Deutsch!! I respond and he laughs, and probably thinks “there is no hope.” He did tell me not to listen to my favorite Soccer player’s German because it is horrible (he’s from Poland, and the poor guy… everyone gives him such a hard time about his accent…) I am very sad too though. Podolski is going to play for Bayern Munich. I don’t like Bayern because they buy all the good players and most of their fans are only fans so they can always be on the winning side. Whatev. AND Ballack is leaving Deutschland to play for Great Britain. My world is ruined. (actually the only reason I know all this junk is that the people who really do know it tell me so I act like I know it)

I got into a good conversation with my Turkish friend about Dirk Nowitzki… but Dirk hurt my feelings so we’re not talking about him right now.

Okay Awkward… I was sitting at an empty table and 4 german boys came to study. My heart is saying “okay please don’t talk to me… VERY awkward.” And then my heart asks, “God!! Why can’t you send a German GIRL to sit at my table, so that it doesn’t seem like I am ‘flirty fishing’ as I get into a conversation with them…” Agh. I just won’t talk to them OR make eye contact. They are studying physics looking junk anyway, so I definitely won’t get into a conversation because all I know about physics is that.. if I jump from a building I will hurt myself. That is basically it.

Seriously… what am I doing with my day? Am I just wasting it away? Or am I learning, am I thriving, am I finding God in the present moments? (Random thought: Germans have the coolest clothes ever) I get distracted by noise… not physical noise… noise such as: man, I am thirsty, or I don’t feel like doing such and such, or hmm I wonder what school is going to be like. (Another Random Thought: I am going to admit it, the boy sitting next to me is REALLY cute…*sigh*) And again, note the random thoughts.. what is that? NOISE.

So last night I was pondering… why does it always take me a while before I share my story. So much of me wishes I was like the apostles in Acts that could not stop speaking about what they had seen and heard… however, I don’t do that. I tend to wait until I get to know the person so well. A lot of me is like “well this story means so much to me, I can’t tell just anyone..” but then that upsets me because I TRULY do want EVERYONE to know. I mean, if I had just met you today I wouldn’t tell you my deepest longings and my deepest fears… I would wait until we knew each other like family, brother and sister, I would wait until I could trust you… I think that is how I am with my faith. I’m not giving myself an excuse as to why I don’t share as often as I should or could…as I sit here and evaluate, I come to believe it’s truly just how my personality is…

This week has been busy! Our first team arrived on Saturday, and it has been so wonderful watching them unleash on what is Germany. We also have an intern team in Duisburg.

I, myself, have been spending time at the Fachhochschule - which is the School of Applied Sciences. Yesterday, I decided to study some German in the library, which honestly was NOT too successful b/c i ended up falling asleep on a desk and woke up to the stares of many Germans... embarassing.

The ground is fertile.. and the seeds are being planted. I'm not sure what image that gives you, but I do know that the soil in Germany is constantly being poured over in prayer.. and I believe it is evident. The past few days it has been so clear that Father has been directly answering the small and also the BIG prayers that we have been praying.

God has been teaching us all so much... revealing how this summer is about HIM and making HIS name famous. I tend to fall into an emotional mind trap and I make myself my top priority. I think this is natural, as yes, we are human-- but i think there also truly becomes a point where I must claim and truly believe that He must become greater and I must become less...

Our prayer for our team and those coming through is focused around DESPERATION. Those on a rescue mission have such a desperation and drive to save the rescuee... We also being on a mission need and long for that desperate heart.

Pray for us and that we are desperate.

We must also remember that if we are truly immersing ourself in God's word and with him, we have no chance of failure...

I will be truthful. There are days that I absolutely hate it here. I am recording this not for only you to know, but also so that I may remember... I dont know how to explain it. There is a grey here. I hate it. I hate not seeing the hankerchief miracles and I know it is because I dont have the faith to see them. I am tired of only hearing about great things happening elsewhere-- although each time I do it gets me excited beyond expression. Tonight, a depression hit me. Maybe I shouldnt use the word depression. I find myself missing what once was, and wishing for what could be, all the while being more satisfied with what I have. If you have never felt that way, it is quite a weird feeling to have.

Sometimes being a leader is hard. I want to be a part of the team... and I think I am but it is hard to tell sometimes who truly is a friend, and who is simply playing the part because you are the "leader." There are days I dont feel I belong in this position, because I am unworthy, and incapable. Then there are days when I know this is where I belong. There are days I feel evaluated, and torn apart, and there are days I feel comforted and excited.

Why does this suprise me? Because life is always and will always be this way. You have your ups and downs, you have your highs and lows, and the days of complacency. But I seek to be desperate, so desperate, my throat becomes dry from screaming His name.. that only his living water can quench and heal... I want to be so desperate that I LITERALLY cannot breathe without Him. Father treats us all equally and that is what is so great about Him. He has no favorites. I count down the days until I see Father face to face.. I truly do. No, I am not saying I dont wish to live anymore, what I am saying is true LIFE is what I long for...

I find true life, some days. The days when Christ just grips me and pulls me in. The days when I see the ancient work and the strong need for him.

Its hard to see the need here. Here I see life. I see happiness. I see a joy that I cannot explain. They have something I dont have... and I am trying to offer something they dont seem to need. Why is this something I so desperately need? I know I do need it, and I know they do too. But i dont see desperation in their eyes. I dont see the LONGING and Hurt and desperation that I saw in Japan... and i hate comparing the countries, as they are two different cultures.


Its hard here. I hate it not being black and white. I hate that I know the language sometimes.. when really i dont know it at all. I hate the grey. I hate the fog. I want to see TRUTH. I dont care how dirty the truth is. I want to see this place STRIPPED.


and I dont care what is in paris or rome..
i want to come home.

(thats a song lyric.. heh. i am clever)

I am sitting at the internet cafe, after a day of truly living life.


Today I had a staff meeting and then went to media markt to buy alarm clocks, to the grocery store to buy supplies for a base camp, and then to mueller for office supplies for the hostel and then I stopped to get some eis and continued to run errands. I just finished meeting tara and some of the gals for dinner and thought id stop by the internet cafe to email C about mid term break and get a few things done... today i truly lived life... and where was Christ in the midst of it all?

How can I find God in the business of life, even while overseas?! Today was good. I was obedient. As I was switching trains and listening to my ipod I just got this overwhelming feeling of "i am home." It was a good feeling..


When I went by the internet cafe walking to dinner the guy waved at me... when I walked in to the pizza place for dinner the first thing the guy said was "i remember you from last year!" Community.

True. Community.

(you know what is coming...)




How beautiful...


are the feet...


of those...




who bring good news.

“…from one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places they would live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being’…” – Acts 17:26-28




The other day, as a team we traveled to a small village to a vineyard where the best red wine in Germany is made. No, we did not try any. You kidding? That would definitely be a crash landing. Pssh…rebels? That we are not…in that sense of the world. Turkish Cola is enough for me. (sooooo much caffeine!! Yum!!)Anyway--we went there to simply have a visual of all the work that does go into the making of wine… vintageing if you will. It was a good time, and I definitely learned a lot, but it was the random moments traveling to and from the city that was about an hour away by train that I think God taught me the most.

I don’t think many people realize just how many nations are represented in Germany. With different cultures there are different religions, different traditions, and when combined with so many other cultures and present religions it sometimes can produce this socio-economic chaos, and also in my opinion has helped aid to the post-modernization of Europe (specifically Germany). Not only in it’s culture and politics and society but mostly in religion. We commonly hear, “there is truth in everything,” and “well… if you find satisfaction in that religion and you feel that is true, then that is good for you and I’m happy you found that—but it’s not for me.”

Not only are many nations commonly represented in Germany- even more so in Koeln, but there are even more countries represented here due to the World Cup games. It has been a constant realization of the nations. We, as a team, have spent extensive time begging for the nations, begging for their souls… and I cannot wait for the day when every knee is bowed in worship to the one true God and every tongue is singing praise to our Father in their language.

While on the train we were sitting amongst so many nations, and I just seemed to breath it in. Caleb, a team mate had prayed earlier that morning, “Father, we come to you asking for the nations…” and his prayer and just the passion in his voice was one of truth, one I haven’t heard in such a long time from anyone, and that moment was when I really began to beg Father for the nations, and all people. – On the train, we were surrounded by English, Arabs, Turks, Iranians, Americans, Germans… everyone…

One thing that made me smile and laugh and yes even get more excited about the day when all the people will praise God… were a group of young, German guys who were laughing, singing, and drinking and shouting for their country, their nation, their soccer team, and most people in the train would secretly laugh at how ridiculous they were being… and shake their head and just smile. However, these kids had something. Regardless of being drunk, they had a passion… a worldly passion, but a passion none-the-less. I would go as far as to say, the German national Fussball team was stealing worship from God… and I know that sounds dramatic, because, well… really, it is. However, just think about how these guys could impact their country if they had a heart of passion for God… it begins with them. Truly… I believe it does. They are seeking, they are reaching…My prayer is that God would give them eyes to see and ears to hear, that God would allow them to pull their generation out of the post-modernization of their culture into the post-post modernization. I pray that they would see and meet Jesus for who he is, that when they reach their hand out for truth… they would find it.

A couple of days ago, a few of us climbed to the top of the Dom. I took a picture of J praying simply because well uhm I felt like it. "Missions" is not about making a scrap book, this I understand but I cannot explain to you what was going through our minds, and maybe I can justify this picture through this post.. or maybe not at all...

People have jumped off the top of the dom... to kill themselves.
It's funny.. people who are seeking and searching and come to the desparity of feeling the need to live no longer, go to the place where they should find the answer.. where they should find comfort.. and they DO find comfort.. what they think is comfort.. death.

Since those suicides gates and railings have been put more so at the top of the dom to prevent these tragic occurances, but it somewhat explains the eerie feeling one gets while standing at the top of the dom and looking down.

I'm still seeking and searching to find my purpose here. Each day God tends to reveal a little more of my heart. It's hard not being able to go out with the team as much as I'd like. It's hard not being able to spend time with them during all the down time we have. It's hard having an entirely different schedule as them, but at the same time it's rewarding and I know God is teaching me so much.

I simply challenge you to fill your hearts with prayer. To gaze into people's eyes and to really see them and their hearts the way Christ does.

Things can get confusing on the field. I guess... things can get confusing wherever you are. (you will have to excuse my many typos.. german keyboards are crazy). It is hard really knowing what my place is. I am told I am here to encourage the interns, which is good, but I also feel much of my time if filled with logistical things. Now, I, out of the 'staff' should not be complaining, because I probably do the fewest logistical things out of all of them... it is just super hard. I dont truly know my place, nor do i know my true purpose. I want to reach the people here. I want to speak to them. I want to build relationships. I am ready for this summer to begin.. and while, yes, I am here in Germany, it simply feels as if we are still in the calm before the storm. Over the past couple of days i have cried a lot, and i honestly dont think those tears are related to jet lag in any way. I need encouragement from mentors, from friends. The interns have been wonderful. I love my apartment girls... and well, all of them really. We can share anything with each other, and i am so happy i am not only their "leader" but their friend as well. (That was one of my hugest fears). (and what can I say I have had good leaders in my past to base my leading style on-- colby and leslie, marcus, kat). Team unity is great... better than could be imagined. I am struggling a lot. I am confused, but i am learning.. and sometimes the tears are a part of that.

I’m traveling right now, I’m in between time and space, and getting to know my team mates really well, in between the movies and the random, non-making sense conversations, oh.. and we can’t forget when B. Juergins comes by to flirt.. shouldn’t it be a rule that 18 year old German boys are NOT allowed to be flight attendants on airplanes? I think I’m going to take that matter up with God. Srsly! Doesn’t B. Juergins KNOW me and my girls are NOT here with M-Harmony.com?

Sir Guinaviere is doing well. (He’s our penguin). He’s had many adventures, and the pictures obviously display. He’s a character… what can I say?! Also, Jew (my bear) seems to have made a new best friend. He and Caleb are inseparable. It’s kinda cute.

However, As I said, yes I’m traveling. I’m on a computer, and yes.. technology is amazing, I’m on the internet as well. Dad. Don’t worry, Jordan paid for it and is letting me use a few minutes to post this.

On a more serious note… Team Unity is quite amazing. I’m with a group of awesome, intelligent, mature students, who understand how needy the country of G is. Already we have made 2 or more "contacts" One who has adopted Jenn, Jerred, and I as grandchildren. She went to lunch with us at the airport and comes to check up on us on the plane. She is going back to Germany for the first time in 52 years… We love our Grandmother. :-D Pray for us, for our unity as you know it's the first place the enemy will try to attack!

We cannot WAIT to actually arrive in Germany, and even now I can tell God is doing something freakishly HUGE in the hearts of our team, and every single person who talks to the students. There is something different about them, and it’s so neat for me to sit back and watch God work through their hearts.

It’s 5:00 am in Germany, and 10:00 p.m. at home. I know I need to rest, I need to get sleep for the long day ahead, but it’s hard. I’m not tired. I slept for 40 minutes… and I can’t seem to find the tiredness to sleep anymore. I know I’m going to regret this as soon as I step foot into Koeln and step into all the many activities J has planned. -- *sigh.

Good News! Our luggage is being checked all the way to Koeln, so we will NOT have to go through customs, etc. when we arrive at our first layover in Germany… that means, we will NOT miss our next flight as we had anticipated doing.


That is it for now!
Bye from Lara and the team.. and Sir Guinaviere as well.

Do you find the pattern the same... everytime you switch shampoos? It's as if the beginning of a new bottle/new brand of shampoo is symbolic of a brand new chapter in life... or maybe that's just me thinking too hard about things.. the "english teacher" side coming out, right?

No. I'm not making this up. It's true. It's how God intended things. So what i'm saying is, if you need a little spice in yo' life- change shampoos.

No really though, I switched Shampoos at the end of my senior year of highschool going into Japan, (uhmm hello!?! New chapter of life) and I fell in love with what is Pantene Pro-V. I've been using that alternating with head and shoulders and a mixture of Garnier Fructese (I create my own shampoo mixtures, because yes.. I'm just that cool and if you don't know if you continue to use the same shampoo it eventually builds up and becomes useless to your hair...)

I've just switched Shampoos. Laura R. my friend has the same kind, and it looks cool, which were my initial reasons for wanting this shampoo. But as i looked into to the others, I decided to go with the Catwalk- oatmeal & honey shampoo.

As I initially lathered the shampoo into my hair, I realized "hey, this does not smell like oatmeal and honey-- it smells like cake" it reminded me of the craft fair i used to help out at my old church.

So now, as I realize this two days before leaving to go to Germany (well base camp), I realize my life is changing forever. I come home from Germany only to leave to Angelo.. which i will be there till May, and if things go as planned I'll be back on an airplane in June and won't return till August of 2008 (not August of 2007).. that's a lot of changes, and a lot of new "chapters" in the book of my life.

It's kinda strange, I was talking to Krystle yesterday, and mentioned "i'm not really scared-- because i don't really think about it." I'm not scared, I'm excited, but not even really that. It's an odd feeling, and I feel I should be anxious or finding something to worry about (which i'm sure i will sooner or later). However, I'm content right now, content about beginning anew.. building new friendships, while keeping up with current and old friendships.. i think it's the next step.. i know it's the next step.

So, now, I will take me and my cake smelling hair to go do something else then ponder the shampoo-ness of life. Perhaps I'll clean my room, or maybe even start packing (heeey there's an idea) or maybe, I'll choose to sit in front of the tv drowning my thoughts in a good movie such as Hook... (because yes, I do want to be like my white friend, Regina).

Out like oats and honey-
Lara