What is your legacy? : 2015

Answered Prayers.

5:43 AM

I just really like these flowers!

A year ago I was feeling pretty lonely and wishing for and hoping for community. I remember wondering what it was going to look like to stay at home with my baby... was it going to be isolating? lonely? Would I always be walking up to Starbucks alone and drinking my coffee alone? I was reminded that I prayed a specific prayer in Texas before we moved -- and that was that God would give me friends that were girls -- a community to belong to and to feel loved and encouraged in - those who would inspire me to be a better wife and friend. God answered that prayer then, and so I prayed it again a year ago.

It's one of those prayers you pray a few times and forget about - but the longing and desire is still there. Motherhood is amazing but it can be very isolating. Friends without kids don't know the boundaries of how much to bother you or ask to hang out (and I get it - it's a huge life change), and as a mama, you're TIRED and exhausted and many times community becomes a last priority.

I'm happy to say that God answered that prayer. 100 percent. Through a couple specific ladies at church to giving me the desire to go to and be part of a MOPs group at another church near my house.

Honestly, the first day I went to MOPs, I was more excited about the already prepared breakfast than meeting new people - but as I walked in the door I was pleasantly surprised to meet friends I didn't even know I had.

Soon, I wasn't walking to Starbucks alone anymore, but I was walking there to meet a friend. Just last weekend I got the special treat of a last minute pedicure with a friend, and another last minute chick-fil-a trip with another. God has certainly blessed me with a community of ladies who love me, my family and who also encourage me in my role as wife, momma, womanhood, and friendship.

But y'all. Let me just say - if I wasn't feeling blessed already, this past weekend I went to the MOPs Leadership Retreat and got to spend 3 days with 8 other ladies who love and want to serve mommas. For a weekend I got to just be, to use my brain and to laugh so hard I was crying with ladies who live nearby, who love Jesus and who encourage me in all facets of life.

I'm so thankful. I'm so absolutely blessed.

OH! I also prayed for God to put women in my life who are my mom's age to mentor me, and he TOTALLY DID THAT TOO!!

Texas Lessons.

4:41 AM

Enough

2:23 AM

See this photo? I used a filter so I would look less tired, so I might actually look like I've got this thing down? Maybe? I'm not really sure what my intent is in using a filter, other than I look WAY better than not using the filter. Yesterday my sister in law's sister in law (confused yet?), posted an instagram photo that was real. It was refreshing and stirred my soul to something I believe God has been speaking into my heart for sometime. "You are enough."

There's a fine line between bettering oneself and shaming oneself. I think it's smart to better oneself- find ways to bless your husband, show him grace, find ways to enjoy your children and challenge them with fun, and new activities, exercising to be healthy, etc. Bettering oneself. Shaming oneself, is doing those things with the heart of guilt and shame - doing them because we are trying to justify ourselves, and find our value in the things we do - never feeling like we will ever be enough. Lately, I've fallen guilty of shaming myself. I'm not a good enough wife. I'm not a good enough mom. This mom thing seems so easy for other moms. I don't have time to care about the toxicity of all the cleaners and soaps I use, because just being able to find the time to use cleaners and soaps to get something clean can be hard. I use Johnsons & Johnsons shampoo.. wait? Thats bad! I'm now a horrible mommy. Watson has eaten oranges and bananas and beans every day for a week. I don't do things well enough. If I do something, there is someone who can do it better, etc. etc. etc. I'm shaming myself. - These are the things I tell myself. I try to justify myself by what I post on instagram/social media or what I see others post. {Social Media sucks! [[love hate relationship]]}

The TRUTH is, Jesus has already justified all of this on the cross. I don't need to try to justify myself at all, Jesus has already done this. When God looks at me, he says "you're enough." He says this, because he sees Jesus (2 Cor. 4:6) - and Jesus is enough. God chooses to see past all my flaws, pride, insecurity (which is also a form of pride - blog for another time), weaknesses and sins, and chooses to see perfection - and he says., "you are enough." Being a mom is already hard, why do I make it harder by trying to justify myself against other moms who have different personalities, different children, different husbands and different experiences? Well, because I'm sinful and I'm human, but what a great reminder the gospel brings us - we are enough. I am enough, you are enough. God sees us in our weakness and he loves us in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). In fact, I believe God chooses to see WHO we are before he sees our failures (and many times what we deem as failure - I don't think he does at all- we are silly creatures) He sees us, he loves us and he whispers to our hearts "you are enough."

God chose me to be Seth's wife and Watson's momma. We're going to have and hold and teach and train differently than someone else, and God deemed it that way. We have different personalities, different relationships, different experiences and that's OKAY and not only is it okay, it's beautiful. I am enough, my family is enough and I hope that I can not only say those things but truly believe them with my heart and my head. We are all aiming for the same goal, we will do that differently but we will proclaim the same gospel. I feel like I am now rambling, so I'm going to leave it at that. thanks for reading and for loving me :-)

Lara <3

Journey through Genesis

7:51 PM

Redemption on Easter

7:03 AM

Easter is about redemption and about the story of Jesus... today, on Easter, God reminded me of a specific moment in which he was holding me close and redeeming me. It was a memory long forgotten and one I had never shared with even my husband... it was a sweet sweet moment between me and Jesus... and one today, I felt like I should share.

Watson's 6th day of life

It was day six of my new life as a momma, day 6 of his life out of the womb. Seth's dad was in town and they both went to church that morning. It was my first time alone with my son. The week I had just lived was so beautiful and so hard. For the first time I realized how fragile life was - I thought I knew before - memories of walking through Köln come to mind - seeing people live their life, wondering if they know or would ever know the deep love Christ had for them, then I cried... I cried for their souls, but little did I know then, that even I, didn't know (and probably still don't fully know!) how deep the Father's love is for us. I was home alone, the house was quiet. Watson was asleep in my arms, and I felt drawn to pray and sing the same song that I walked down the aisle to at our wedding.

I sat there, cross legged on my bed, holding my baby, tired and unsure if I could provide for this baby the way I could. The day before Watson had his tongue tie surgery and I had collapsed in tears as he bled all over me when trying to eat. Needless to say, I was pretty emotional. When I got to this line of the song: "from life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; Till he returns, or calls me home -- here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand," I again collapsed into tears. I think for many reasons. I was reminded, that Jesus commands our destiny - mine, my family's Watson's. I found myself praying this, while crying, over my sleeping helpless babe. His life was so fragile, but Jesus commands his destiny. He was holding me in his arms, as I held sweet Watson. He had us. He wasn't leaving us. Those first days, months were so hard for us. Sometimes I get jealous when other's don't have it as hard with their new babies. I get upset and mad because that's how it was supposed to be for us - but it wasn't supposed to be that way for us. Jesus had some sweet things to teach me during those times - he knows my personality and he knows how I learn, and this is how he would love us, love my family and teach us valuable lessons.

Parenting was/is also tiring for Seth :)
He's an amazing daddy who shares in most of the responsibilities.

Today while singing this same song during the easter service at church, I was reminded of God's promises during that time. That he was commanding our destiny, that he was holding us in his hands, and that he holds all things in our hands. He reminded me to not stand in my own power, but in his.