one of the oldest questions that I've heard is the question of 'why do we pray?' or 'how do we pray?'

The other night I was sitting at bible study and found myself asking the same question. Normally we pray for comfort for the sick for health for ourselves... and then I got to thinking later that night -- how often do we PRAY for salvation? How often do we pray to be refined to seek more of Father. We skip the important things.

I can only speak for myself... we skip those importantly things partly because we're trained to make certain prayer requests for aunt jo's brother's mother-in-law's pet cat. And another reason... praying the deep prayers, praying to be refined... that's scary.

Originally in this post I was going to point out some great quotes by some modern-day theologians, followed by scripture. But John 5:19 keeps coming to my mind. "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself, he can only see what he sees his Father doing." -John 5:19. As I thumb through some literature I was given on prayer I find I am rereading the verse over and over and eventually notice commentary..... So what does that have to do with anything? I want to listen to Father. Before telling him what I want him to do, I want to open my eyes to what he's already doing. I want to know what Father is up to in the lives of people I see every day. I don't want to hand Christ a wish-list. I want to pray in the power of faith... and the courage of hope.

I often say that serving overseas and serving here is the exact same... and when it comes down to it.. YES it is. The same needs, the same God, we should have the same focus. But the truth of every this is.. no, I, personally don't. I'm comfortable here. I know the language. I have friends. I become blind. Blind to their needs, blind to what Father is doing. I want to have his eyes. I want to have his ears.

While writing this I was reminded of two years ago when Father spoke to me so much truth... As i re-read the entry I found the need to share it. Not necessarily for others to be inspired, but for myself to see where i've been, to remember the faitfulness of father and move forward, knowing that i serve the same God - and to him, time or place isn't a factor or element.


July 19, 2007
My feet finally have the 'chaco' (teva b/c i am 'uncool') tan lines, except they aren't tan lines at all- they are DIRT lines. Today I prayer walked. For the first time, I felt the call to walk until I could no longer walk, to pray to my Father, Creator, life changer. What I am continuing to learn is that prayer doesn't change God and his plans, yet it changes me and my heart and that Father hears our prayers and is faithful to answer them. I feel like i can see God drawing me closer and closer to him. Today I felt my heart break for all those around-- believers, non. I was broken ruined and at no point did I long to stop praying. At 5:00n p.m. i felt the need to pray earnestly for salvation. Specifically. Later, I found out that at that time, someone at the Uni became a believer. That is and only is Father. God has shown me things today that I can't put words to. He has allowed me to cry out to him in a park that he rarely hears worship from-- a part of the park that he is definitely in, but where I long for his church to be planted. My prayer is that I would so decrease and he would so increase that it would only be his prayers, his words, essentially HIM praying to himself for HIS people. "He is mercy, he is power, he is love and he is God."

Today Father allowed me to see things of this world that brought me to tears. Father IS beyond all expression and I truly cannot think that high. I serve a God who is NOT served by human hands- as if he needed anything. SO many times I find myself thankful that even though I am un-needed by my Savior, I am wanted by him, but today I am realizing that i TRULY do want to worship this God, even if he NEVER needs me. If he NEVER would use my self, prideful self, I STILL want to serve him. Why he calls me chosen and why he's unashamed to claim me as his own, i will NEVER known or understand. I WANT to be his. I WANT to come to him, broken and useless, and I long for him to mold my heart-- I long to pray his prayers, and dream his dreams and love with his love. I no longer want ME. I want to so abide in Christ that I truly am the aroma of him. I want to have ONE passion. I want to love with the love of a savior and I don't want my life to be one simply of emotional highs. I want it to be one that is HARD, one where i do feel spent and worn out. I want my feet to smell, I want them to hurt and have dirt lines. I want to find the same Joy I find on the "clean" days, on the days that are dirty and rough and draining, and only in Christ do I want to find my rst. My life is a journey. I love that. I love that I can be real and vulnerable to those around me. I'm glad I can be broken. Many days I DO deny Christ and cling to disobedience. I want to stop that. I know there will be more, i know there will be days i'm not obedient and I will fall short, but I long to strive to abide in him DAILY. Christ called out, he cried out in John 12 for his people to look and SEE. He is LIGHT and he's CRYING OUT!! for us to understand!- Even now. I want eyes to see. I want them to have ears to hear. I want Father to heal this land, to heal our hearts, my heart, the hearts of all the people I come into contact with.