There's a mountain not very far from here. Some say it's a hill, but i'm SURE it is and only can be a mountain. During the spring season, it is a deep color green, the definite paint strokes of a master painter to make grass of a certain kind, embellished by the reds and yellows of the wild flowers. I come to this mountain often... it is my secret place, the place that I am sure I can find myself. Here, I can lay in the midst of the flowers and stare straight into the heavens. Here, no one can tell me what to do, who I should be, how I should act. Time stops here. I am free to dance, free to laugh, and to simply spin in circles until I fall over in laughter... only doing so for me, not for an audience, not to gain attention. Here I am able to fall over in deep sorrow, tears of hopelessness falling freely from my eyes amongst the flowers. I sometimes feel like I Alice in Alice and the Looking Glass. Crying an ocean that I will shrink into and float away... but I have hope.

I've been coming here since I was young, rarely (if ever) inviting anyone to come with me. It hurts too much when others cannot see the beauty; it hurts too much when others only see a hill.

There are days that I begin to see the mountain as the others do. I say to myself, "perhaps it IS just a hill, perhaps the flowers are all weeds," and I find myself becoming blind to the beauty. I hate these days, because it is on these days that I begin to hate myself. I no longer can lay amongst the flowers and stare at the sky, but I find myself wanting to pull the flowers and throw them while tears are streaming down my face. I hate this hill.

But that's just a moment. I love this mountain. I love that it's not just a place to escape reality, but it is reality.

Just the other day I went for a walk, and I found an opening in the forest. The noise of water filled my ears and I kept walking forward. The cool mist began to splash upon my face, and I realized I discovered something new on this mountain I had known for so long. A new passion began to fill my heart as I noticed this new found beauty. I'll now come here. Now, this will be my place, within a place.