What is your legacy?

It's the moments like these I will never forget, the moments like these I will miss. Something like going all out and wearing the German colors with pride is really something no one in America can or will understand. Yeah, I know I will miss that. I have loved it here, and I don't want to leave, but God is calling me too. My time here for now... is up, and God may be calling me back, but who knows my friends.. who knows..

Hey guys, it is pretty much my last chance to use the internet while here in Germany, and so it's weird to say this is my last entry before coming home, and my last entry on this blog before returning here-- God has done so much this summer, I don't even know where to begin...

To say I'm not ready to return home would be a lie, but I am also not ready to leave
I'm excited to see where God is takign me and taking my fellow interns in the future.
I simply cannot wait

I love you
Lara

I don't really know the reason of this post other than to simply post pictures of a couple of people who I absolutely love and are close to my heart. :)






So basically, I have no life.
I am really sickly feeling today. I believe I have a sinus infection i.e. Mom can you make me an appointment for when I get back-- I believe I caught the Linley disease.. uhmm basically that is a sinus infection. I don't want to deal with the crazy psycho doctors here, so I will go see Nicole Counselman, because she will give me antibiotics. I obviously am on some type of weird drugs (sinus medicine) because this is a weird post.

I am so TIRED!!! I do NOT know where to begin. This new hair do is nice, but it requires me to take my showers in the morning. Boo!!

This week so far has been quite amazing. I am actually updating at postcardsfromedgeu.blogspot.com - CRAZY! i know!!

The students this week and the interns have been such an amazing encouragement to me this week. It is so cool to see their hearts continually and more so break for this nation as the summer and the week continues. They have such a passion for this country.

Today A. became a family member. I have never met this girl, but I have passionately kept her in my prayers, so it is so exciting that I get to hear about her become a family member!!!

I am also extra excited b/c S and M are here this week!

Alright.. adios ninjas!

this is me definately talking to chelsie while she is taking my picture:
this is me sitting on a chair while damaris whipped out the camera and took my picture. pssh.
this is me ignoring the camera-person



I decided I needed an adventure. And getting a haircut in a foreign land with very little communication with the gay german hair dresser was quite the decision.. but i did it. and these aren't great pictures but whatev.

There’s something about life, something about it that makes it so intriguing, so mysterious. Beneath the surface there is something so poetic about life, that makes us long to hear about struggle and joys of other people. Songs, music, movies, art, coffee shops-- conversation. Life.

What do I want out of life? That’s a tough question. A question, I honestly can’t truly answer. There are many things I long for, that I want. Many things everyone longs for… happiness. I long for happiness. I long for the warmth of joyful tears falling down my face, I long for someone to hug me and for me to relax into their arms. I long for life…

Life. TRUE life. I want it.

I wrote that in January. I felt the obligation to post this. I know when I keep posting and posting, the entries become worthless, and important issues or posts i want read get lost in between the frivolous pointless entries.

Things have been going well. Yesterday was a day full of prayer. Jess, Ez-Cheez and I went through a "tour" book that takes you through a map of the city. As we went and read about the history it was nice to direct our prayers. It was interesting and God truly spoke through the experience.

I've really enjoyed and I still am enjoying this summer. It has been interesting, it has been exciting... it has been a spiritual battle... and still is! I love it! My apartment has been reading Deuteronomy - a book I cannot even spell... but to me it is amazing how Moses writes about God. First of all, it's obvious the reverence Moses has for our God and second I love how God is continually showing the people "hey you've stayed here long enough now go here" and they obey. I love it.

My best friend, Jordie, totally met these super cool cats in Bonn a couple of weeks ago. Last night they invited us to their church (www.jesusfreakskoeln.de) and it was simply amazing. I told my story to the whole church, and we got invited to a wedding... but we will be back in America when they have it. Afterwards we hung out and I want to tell you guys, that my friend Ilka is one of the coolest people i know. I thought I would never see her again, and I randomly saw her at a train stop blowing bubbles. I saw her again last night - she was in town for the gay parade. She told me.. "Jesus loves homos, he just doesn't love homosexuality" and she said she went because that is totally where Jesus would be... and that, I admired.



It makes me sad that I have to leave and maybe never see Ilka and Michael and the crew again, and I am so happy that God allowed me to meet them because of Jordie. I love Ilka's spirit. She reminds me so much of my friend Naomi. I truly believe and think of her as such a good friend. Last night during me sharing my story she kept smiling at me and then winked... she was constantly looking out for me when we were out and at the church... something i totally different expect. She has an amazing spirit, and I admire her heart so much.

This week we have gained two new members to our family. Not that I'm counting or anything, but it truly excites me.

I know my blog entries have not been up to par... i know, i know.


There is so much going on... so much I need prayer for. Discernment, decision making... worries, fears, insecurities... I could go on forever, and I hate being so vauge.

However, the problem with blogging is it is usually so easy to make everything about you.
Me-- I'm doing good, but at the same time confused and worried, sometimes upset.
But what is more important... is Father is doing HUGE things... things that are bigger than me, and my fears and insecurities, and who does and doesn't like me, or what i'm doing next summer or even the next.

I love that we cannot even begin to understand Father's mind. I love it.

The LTG I am in (Life Transformation Group) is studying and reading the book of Esther.
It was suggested by one of the girls, and I took her up on it… I haven’t read the book in a while and decided that reading it again definitely sounded like a good idea. We have yet to discuss this book yet, seeing as our LTG is tomorrow morning, but I decided to go ahead and make an entry regarding it.

Now, I don’t know all the background information, I don’t know the history, or even how to begin imagining what this time was like and what Esther looked like… however, I do see her heart, and her love for not only her people but her uncle, who had raised her…

What many do not know is upon deciding whether to go to Japan, my first iW trip, reading Esther was one of my “deciding points.” As a senior in high school, as I read Esther’s words of… “if I perish, I perish…” seemed to take away all earthly fear that was in me… (or close to it)..

Now, when Esther said this, she wasn’t talking about going and sharing Father’s name with others, she was speaking of saving the Jews… she was speaking about stepping out of what was considered right, breaking the law… and going to speak to the king. Today this continues to inspire me…

I want to be like Esther, proclaiming that if I perish, well then.. I perish. But me, stepping out of the norm, breaking the rules, going to church with 6 people in a dorm room or an apartment once a week instead of in a building (talkin’ America here.. not Deutschland) is fine… it doesn’t make me a ‘bad christian.’

This really challenges me while I’m here and for when I go home… I want to live on the edge, I want to go to the deep in, I want to GO to the dark places, the hard to reach places, but friends, read closely.. I can go all I want, but how useful am I, if when I go I cower in a corner and don’t step out of the comfort zone. I need to have the sense of near death… I want to be able to say, If I perish… I perish.

Something that is also cool is Esther means “star,” so my tattoo takes on even more meaning now, so now I am challenging myself to embrace this concept… of perishing. To live through Christ… and reach others. I need to truly GO… I need to speak out, I need to listen, I need.. to OBEY.

First off, Jordan's Mom and Grandma-- thank you SO much for your encouragement.
I cannot begin to explain how much Jordan means to me and how much she herself encourages me, i love getting on my blog and reading your encouraging notes. You guys are an amazing family, and I see where Jordan finds her passions and joys. She is an amazing girl, and lucky to have an awesome family. I know she has motivated me and been there for me. She's an authentic girl in love with Christ!

~~~

I am in love with Hamburg, Dad.

and yes, everyone this entry is for my dad, because he requested it.



Upon arriving in Hamburg, i was excited, confused, and curious to experience a new German city I had not been to yet. It was nice. Hamburg is a city, yet it has a home feeling. Not that Koeln doesn't, but Koeln is more like living in New York where as Hamburg would be more like.. living in Dallas. I dunno if that is a good example.

We spent most of our time relaxing, riding the ferry, watching a light show/fireworks one night, celebrating 4th of July/the Germany game, spending time at the beach... it was wonderful

The people we stayed with in Hamburg are amazing, and I cannot wait to work with them and get to know them better!!

For 4th of July we dressed up in our Germany Gear to watch them play Italy. sadly they lost, but it was a good time had...

and then we went to Hannover and it was great, and I am excited about going to school there...

that is all for now :)

This is a pointless, boring entry.
i hate those

Lara

for your enjoyment, or more so mine

my husband, (cari approved)



okay i am a liar i admit it!

I have always been into journaling, but for some reason this summer my journaling efforts have been below par. Part of it is simply my being lazy. I decide "meh, I'll just think it, i don't feel like writing it all out..." However, this summer hasn't been like any of the other summers... I am confused. Confused about so many things. A week ago I, along with 4 other girls got on a train to Hamburg. It was an amazing time. We traveled in our own room on the train-- much like a scene from Harry Potter, and we were filled with excitement at the traveling country side of Germany, the different sites, the different sounds-- ones that are so foreign to our eyes and ears.. we left our train window wide open, so it definately wasn't a quiet journey...But somehow, between the sound of the wind, the train on the tracks, and other trains rushing by, I was able to find silence... silence to sit and reflect, silence to journal and contemplate... Maybe there is something about sitting on a train that causes me to think about past, present and future-- something that truly allows me to evaluate my heart and allow God to search me.

This is the first summer I have felt far from God-- not that I only feel near to God in the summer... but this summer I find myself not only doubting myself, but doubting God.. and not just doubting God, but also doubting his existance... and then I just get frustrated, frustrated with myself.. and frustrated with him.

My prayer for myself and my team is simply that Father would be near, and I no longer would stay in the contemplateive, complacent mood, but would NOT be able to stay silent any more... I would have the passion to speak Christ's name , that I would find the passion to WANT and to LONG to spend time with him...

I am tired of doubting a God who is so REAL.

°°°°°

That was written this morning, during my quiet time. I wasn't going to share it but I felt the need to as I looked at the happenings of my day.. (oh and i have this kinda cool picture Chels took, that I will def add to this post when I am on my own computer...)

Today I did a lot of traveling, I went to Dusseldorf and also to Essen. In that time I was able to talk with friends, and get to know people more, but also Lin and I began a conversation (by the way, Colby.. if you read this..Lin cannot figure out how she has NOT met you yet.. and how she doesn´t know you, because pretty sure she is good friends with like all of your team from last year, she is quite hilarious) anyway, lets get past my a.d.d... lin and I talked with a girl and we came so close to sharing our story so many times....and we didn't, but you know... it was a step forward, and we were obedient... we talked with her pretty much the whole hour train ride.. and it was an excellent conversation about life! And she was very encouraging about my deutsch skills...

And then we arrived at Pizza night and found out some excellent news about a new member of the fam!! So exciting!!

Continue to pr for us and the team and for this area...

Father is showing me so much about my heart and my present and future, it is so exciting!!

Love ya all

ljo

i am in hamburg staying with some friends i will be working w/ in a year. I love it here, and i love the people I traveled with. They make my teeth sweat and they make me smile. hamburg is a lot different than koeln, and i love when people say they are hamburgers.

random fact: hamburgers are "citizens" of hamburg... they are also a meal... and are def raw meet on bread.
and yes they eat it like that.
i prefer american hamburgers... which was invented by a sailor who was all gross?!! raw meat? and so he grilled it.

okay bye.

more thought provoking blog entries later

Ljo