I have always been into journaling, but for some reason this summer my journaling efforts have been below par. Part of it is simply my being lazy. I decide "meh, I'll just think it, i don't feel like writing it all out..." However, this summer hasn't been like any of the other summers... I am confused. Confused about so many things. A week ago I, along with 4 other girls got on a train to Hamburg. It was an amazing time. We traveled in our own room on the train-- much like a scene from Harry Potter, and we were filled with excitement at the traveling country side of Germany, the different sites, the different sounds-- ones that are so foreign to our eyes and ears.. we left our train window wide open, so it definately wasn't a quiet journey...But somehow, between the sound of the wind, the train on the tracks, and other trains rushing by, I was able to find silence... silence to sit and reflect, silence to journal and contemplate... Maybe there is something about sitting on a train that causes me to think about past, present and future-- something that truly allows me to evaluate my heart and allow God to search me.

This is the first summer I have felt far from God-- not that I only feel near to God in the summer... but this summer I find myself not only doubting myself, but doubting God.. and not just doubting God, but also doubting his existance... and then I just get frustrated, frustrated with myself.. and frustrated with him.

My prayer for myself and my team is simply that Father would be near, and I no longer would stay in the contemplateive, complacent mood, but would NOT be able to stay silent any more... I would have the passion to speak Christ's name , that I would find the passion to WANT and to LONG to spend time with him...

I am tired of doubting a God who is so REAL.

°°°°°

That was written this morning, during my quiet time. I wasn't going to share it but I felt the need to as I looked at the happenings of my day.. (oh and i have this kinda cool picture Chels took, that I will def add to this post when I am on my own computer...)

Today I did a lot of traveling, I went to Dusseldorf and also to Essen. In that time I was able to talk with friends, and get to know people more, but also Lin and I began a conversation (by the way, Colby.. if you read this..Lin cannot figure out how she has NOT met you yet.. and how she doesn´t know you, because pretty sure she is good friends with like all of your team from last year, she is quite hilarious) anyway, lets get past my a.d.d... lin and I talked with a girl and we came so close to sharing our story so many times....and we didn't, but you know... it was a step forward, and we were obedient... we talked with her pretty much the whole hour train ride.. and it was an excellent conversation about life! And she was very encouraging about my deutsch skills...

And then we arrived at Pizza night and found out some excellent news about a new member of the fam!! So exciting!!

Continue to pr for us and the team and for this area...

Father is showing me so much about my heart and my present and future, it is so exciting!!

Love ya all

ljo