Father is teaching me so much ranging from where my insecurities and securities lie to what he is and has been calling me to. It's exciting to see how things and people have changed from the past year (including two starbucks... which have taken the place of 1) my favorite eis shop and 2) my favorite restaurant).

He has shown me areas in my life where I have been disobedient and ones in which I need to grow and seek and be everything he's called me to be. But more importantly I'm learning that it is in fact: not all about me.

How funny, that this is a lesson that we all seem to learn, but for once, maybe .. just MAYBE I am learning this with my heart and not just my head. To daily take off what my wants are, wanting to be acknowledged by others, wanting to be loved, and chosen, wanting to be told how good of a person I am, etc... all my wants and more to be shed away to where i live and know Christ and him crucified... and that is ALL.

Father is breaking my heart not only for this country but for those who are seeking to know and be (eros). Today I sat and re-read a poem written by Nietzsche and I sat the rest of the 45 minutes in tears, wiping my eyes, hoping nobody would notice.

Hearts are seeking to know truth... hearts are seeking to know God, and him alone. I'm unsure what would have happened if someone had reached out to Nietzsche the way i see students reaching out to others... I'm unsure how different Germany would have been, how different thoughts and philosophies would have been if Nietzsche had experienced true community... but i long to show others love, because love builds up, without love... there is nothing. (“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”- 1 John 4:11-12) --

God is calling us to live a life in obedience to him. To see the world the way he sees it. The danger of serving in America is the comfortability of church. It's easy to skate by feeling like you're an okay Christian, but not living the life Christ has truly called us to live. It's easy to be satisfied with the typical church service, typical outreach, but what is all that without discipleship, truly reaching out to others and loving them as people and souls rather than a service project and/or duty. Do we share Father, and our lives because we TRULY love that person or because we simply want to "win more souls for the kingdom?" - (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

~

This poem was written when Nietzsche was 20 i believe... he declared God as dead when he was 23? maybe? i'm unsure, but it wasn't too long after-

To the Unknown God (1864)

Once more, before I wander on
And turn my glance forward,
I lift up my hands to you in loneliness —
You, to whom I flee,
To whom in the deepest depths of my heart
I have solemnly consecrated altars
So that
Your voice might summon me again.

On them glows, deeply inscribed, the words:
To the unknown god.
I am his, although until this hour
I've remained in the wicked horde:
I am his—and I feel the bonds
That pull me down in my struggle
And, would I flee,
Force me into his service.

I want to know you, Unknown One,
You who have reached deep into my soul,
Into my life like the gust of a storm,
You incomprehensible yet related one!
I want to know you, even serve you.


-Lara