There are many places where Paul says "I die everyday," and every time I read this, I am reminded that that is our call. Paul says he counts everything as loss compared to knowing Christ. He claims that even though he comes trembling and in weakness and fear that he wants to know Christ and him crucified and that's it. Through reading the word, specifically 1 Corinthians, Father is showing me daily that I have to give up my hopes and my desires, my wants and my needs. That i can't constantly compare myself, because in doing so it's spiritual suicide. That all past trips, past experiences should be placed aside because I want to know nothing but Christ and him crucified. That's what I learned two weeks ago. Today as I sat over 1 Corinthians and discussed it w/ Stephie that again was taught, but I realized that I can't live for my profit, even my own spiritual profit, but for others. That i should show love to others, not so I feel comfortable or good, but for their hearts. If I am doing things for human reasons, what have I gained. Paul even poses the same question... What are my motivations? Christ's call upon my life, or my desires. Am I living in the flesh, am I trying to live in my own strength, or in the strength of Father... am I living in the spirit?

Steph and I talked a lot today about relationships, after reading about some of that in 1 Corinthians, and as I read and as I conversed about it, I realized that I am thankful for the different roles. I'm thankful that Christ should be the head (obviously) and that as a woman, I'd be 'under' the man. Steph was telling me that in Wild at Heart they used a verse from Isaiah (we aren't sure which one) that shows that the man is like the oak tree, while the woman is like the branches. But really we should seek to love people and our 'specific' others like Christ loves the church... forgiveness, love, and much much more.

I believe I will begin to note the ways Christ loves the church, even though i've 'heard them' and technically 'know them'... but that's the thing... i'm always discovering new ways in which he loves, and i long to have the mind of Christ... i long to love like he loves, and i long to decrease so that he may increase.

I'm learning what it means to love others when I don't 'feel like it.' I'm learning what it looks like to show Christ's love to everyone, and i'm realizing more so what his love looks like. I desire not for people to just know Jesus, but to know him with their hearts and to thrill toward him.

pray for the contacts we've made and will hopefully meet back up with :)

It's nice to be back in Hamburg, and i'm excited because Father is doing something great.