i need to set my mind on things above

This summer is different because I'm not around anyone my age. It's difficult, but it also has it's rewards. Christ is showing me areas of my heart that need to be cleaned so I can fully serve him. Sometimes it's discouraging because there will always be areas of my heart that need cleaning, it's an ongoing process...

Last night, I felt discouraged, and displaced. I allowed worldly perceptions to break me down and hurt me. I long to keep the armor of God on daily.

But other than in my heart, Father is doing something huge in hearts of others... "S" contacted me, and she wants to get together for Coffee. It's hard because I will be leaving for Koln again, and she is leaving for Turkey, so hopefully we can get together before then or in August. It's funny because I always write to her in German which i don't know very well, and she responds in English, which she doesn't know very well. I've only spent time with her once this summer, but we've corresponded since. I can't wait until I get to see her again because when I'm with her, I feel like I am where i'm supposed to be. She has a beautiful heart and I can laugh with her, and talk with her, (german/english) and it's truly a friendship that has been birthed by Christ.

C-dawg recently told me of a girl he wants me to get in touch with. Her name is "M" and she's my age and has just moved back from the states, where she became a believer. I'm praying over the situation, and for clarity for when/if she contacts us.

There are more similar situations I could mention, but the main thing is prayer for them and also for wisdom, maturity, words and clarity. <3 i thank you guys so much

lara


*take not thy presence from me, for i desire to know you more*

Restore to me the joy of my salvation

Bread is life. They are synonymous. Perhaps in a previous post I explained this, but in many middle eastern cultures the words bread and life are one in the same. There isn't a difference. How much more significant this makes it when Christ says, "I am the bread of life.... this bread IS my flesh."? (John 6) Today as I ate at an Afghan restaurant I ate bread, and as I ate it, I ate it slowly. "I am the bread of life..." was being whispered in my ear with each bite I took. I saw a man sitting by himself the other day. He looked lonely, he looked homeless almost. He was sitting outside at a restaurant, and he held a piece of bread and he ate it slowly. I glanced across the street and saw another man eating a sandwich. How different would our world look if we truly feasted on THE bread of life?


I hate quoting Matt Chandler, because among many believer my age it seems he has become a "fad"-- the newest person to quote... and just as Matt said himself, we quote other preachers, and speakers and books and not the bible. We live vicariously through another person's faith, other than our own, because if we start reading the bible on our own, we know Father will want to deal with our idols and our faults first and we don't want to face that.... but I want to post a prayer he prayed at the end of a sermon, simply because it's the prayer of my heart today as I sit in Hamburg, Germany... as I pray for the team here, the souls here, as I am becoming broken because Father is showing me what it looks like to feast on him and drink of him...

Father help us. If you won't enlighten the eyes of our heart, if you won't speak to us, if you won't-- than all our effort would be for nothing, so we ask not that we would run hard, or even well, but that you would stir in our hearts an affection for you that would lead to movement outside of motivation from preacher. If you would do something in us tonight, if you could hear us as your children, crying out for your help... we agree with our brother David, restore to us the joy of our salvation, make fresh what has grown stale... we thank you Father, for the joys and the sorrows and trust that you are bringing about in us our good, our joy and your glory. I pray with the things that have been spoken and revealed by your spirit that you would haunt us tonight as we lay in bed, tomorrow when we wake up... haunt us.

You and I

Clean I call you clean
I came to clean you and it’s done
Here’s a call to all who’ve
Felt disqualified to run
Pleasures flowing here and there
From my right hand
What’s mine is yours
Come behold all of who I am

You and I will run
You and I will run forever
All is done
You and I will run

Come with what you do not have
And buy what’s undeserved
Feast and drink, the bounty’s great
I know you hear
But have you heard
Have you heard

Clean!
I’ve called you clean!
“I am dirty”
Clean!
“So unworthy”
Clean!
“Dirty”
- shane and shane

"Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; And you who have no money come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.”
(Is 55:1)
“He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”
(2 Corinthians 5:21)

Your love endures..

There are many places where Paul says "I die everyday," and every time I read this, I am reminded that that is our call. Paul says he counts everything as loss compared to knowing Christ. He claims that even though he comes trembling and in weakness and fear that he wants to know Christ and him crucified and that's it. Through reading the word, specifically 1 Corinthians, Father is showing me daily that I have to give up my hopes and my desires, my wants and my needs. That i can't constantly compare myself, because in doing so it's spiritual suicide. That all past trips, past experiences should be placed aside because I want to know nothing but Christ and him crucified. That's what I learned two weeks ago. Today as I sat over 1 Corinthians and discussed it w/ Stephie that again was taught, but I realized that I can't live for my profit, even my own spiritual profit, but for others. That i should show love to others, not so I feel comfortable or good, but for their hearts. If I am doing things for human reasons, what have I gained. Paul even poses the same question... What are my motivations? Christ's call upon my life, or my desires. Am I living in the flesh, am I trying to live in my own strength, or in the strength of Father... am I living in the spirit?

Steph and I talked a lot today about relationships, after reading about some of that in 1 Corinthians, and as I read and as I conversed about it, I realized that I am thankful for the different roles. I'm thankful that Christ should be the head (obviously) and that as a woman, I'd be 'under' the man. Steph was telling me that in Wild at Heart they used a verse from Isaiah (we aren't sure which one) that shows that the man is like the oak tree, while the woman is like the branches. But really we should seek to love people and our 'specific' others like Christ loves the church... forgiveness, love, and much much more.

I believe I will begin to note the ways Christ loves the church, even though i've 'heard them' and technically 'know them'... but that's the thing... i'm always discovering new ways in which he loves, and i long to have the mind of Christ... i long to love like he loves, and i long to decrease so that he may increase.

I'm learning what it means to love others when I don't 'feel like it.' I'm learning what it looks like to show Christ's love to everyone, and i'm realizing more so what his love looks like. I desire not for people to just know Jesus, but to know him with their hearts and to thrill toward him.

pray for the contacts we've made and will hopefully meet back up with :)

It's nice to be back in Hamburg, and i'm excited because Father is doing something great.

Your Cup is most full when it is upside down

To tell you in my own words what is going on in Koln, Hamburg, Germany and in me, the interns, etc... in my own words would almost dumb it down, so I will let the following tell you what is going on..

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.- Paul, Ephesians 6:10-11

Can you fathom the mysteries of God?
Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?
They are higher than the heavens-- what can you do?
They are deeper than the depths of the grave-- what can you know?
Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea....


Yet, if you devote your heart to him
and if you stretch out your hands to him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then you will lift up your face without shame;
and you will stand firm and without fear.

-Job 11:7-9; 13-15


I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. IN that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will recieve and your joy will be complete.
-Jesus; John 16:20-24

I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested by the plots of the Jews... And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prisons and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. - Paul, Acts 20:19, 22-24

"Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem fo rht name of the Lord Jesus." - Paul, Acts 21:13

Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time-- God, the blessed and only ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. - Paul to Timothy, 1 Timothy 6:12-16

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season, rebuke and encourage-- with great patience and careful instruction. For time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Insead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my depature. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. -- Paul to Timothy, 2 Timothy 4:2-7

Be Strong

Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might. Ephesians 6: 10

The past two weeks have been spent working in Koln, not only helping the team here but also working along side the interns, while also meeting many who live here and building relationships and friendships.

For the first time, in a very long time, I have truly begun to realize what it means to walk with the Lord, daily. There are good days, there are hard days, there are mediocre days.


For the first time, and I am unsure why i didn't put the puzzle pieces together before, I have learned that I must always focus on what God is doing, and not on what "didn't" happen... because then I will miss all the amazing things he is doing... I can't rely on my perception, I can't rely on my human eyes, but I must place all my strength, all my hope, and all my trust in him...

I know this entry was short, but i hope to get a better and more indetail one up in the next few days, I will be back in Hamburg on Saturday!

-ljo

Heart/Mind/Spirit

Father is teaching me so much ranging from where my insecurities and securities lie to what he is and has been calling me to. It's exciting to see how things and people have changed from the past year (including two starbucks... which have taken the place of 1) my favorite eis shop and 2) my favorite restaurant).

He has shown me areas in my life where I have been disobedient and ones in which I need to grow and seek and be everything he's called me to be. But more importantly I'm learning that it is in fact: not all about me.

How funny, that this is a lesson that we all seem to learn, but for once, maybe .. just MAYBE I am learning this with my heart and not just my head. To daily take off what my wants are, wanting to be acknowledged by others, wanting to be loved, and chosen, wanting to be told how good of a person I am, etc... all my wants and more to be shed away to where i live and know Christ and him crucified... and that is ALL.

Father is breaking my heart not only for this country but for those who are seeking to know and be (eros). Today I sat and re-read a poem written by Nietzsche and I sat the rest of the 45 minutes in tears, wiping my eyes, hoping nobody would notice.

Hearts are seeking to know truth... hearts are seeking to know God, and him alone. I'm unsure what would have happened if someone had reached out to Nietzsche the way i see students reaching out to others... I'm unsure how different Germany would have been, how different thoughts and philosophies would have been if Nietzsche had experienced true community... but i long to show others love, because love builds up, without love... there is nothing. (“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”- 1 John 4:11-12) --

God is calling us to live a life in obedience to him. To see the world the way he sees it. The danger of serving in America is the comfortability of church. It's easy to skate by feeling like you're an okay Christian, but not living the life Christ has truly called us to live. It's easy to be satisfied with the typical church service, typical outreach, but what is all that without discipleship, truly reaching out to others and loving them as people and souls rather than a service project and/or duty. Do we share Father, and our lives because we TRULY love that person or because we simply want to "win more souls for the kingdom?" - (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

~

This poem was written when Nietzsche was 20 i believe... he declared God as dead when he was 23? maybe? i'm unsure, but it wasn't too long after-

To the Unknown God (1864)

Once more, before I wander on
And turn my glance forward,
I lift up my hands to you in loneliness —
You, to whom I flee,
To whom in the deepest depths of my heart
I have solemnly consecrated altars
So that
Your voice might summon me again.

On them glows, deeply inscribed, the words:
To the unknown god.
I am his, although until this hour
I've remained in the wicked horde:
I am his—and I feel the bonds
That pull me down in my struggle
And, would I flee,
Force me into his service.

I want to know you, Unknown One,
You who have reached deep into my soul,
Into my life like the gust of a storm,
You incomprehensible yet related one!
I want to know you, even serve you.


-Lara

Planten un Blomen / Koln

today is laundry day!

Tomorrow, I will leave for Cologne, Germany to help the M there for 10 days. This is the last summer the M is there and the interns will get there on the 13th. We are going to help with logistical things such as money and getting everything in order such as train tickets and stuff. It'll be nice to go back to Cologne, but i'm more excited about getting to spend time with J and the family again! We go back to Cologne toward the end of July.

So many wonderful things are happening here, and I'm so excited to be able to be a part of it all. God is getting me excited over so many wonderful things. He is definitely at work, and the the 2 week team that was here definitely planted some seeds in the hearts of others!

Yesterday we went to Planten un Blomen (platt deutsch) and saw a light show/water show at the park. It was a nice time :)

(not a good picture at planten un blomen... i hate photos by myself!)

<3

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement!

-Lara

Double Coffee

She sits in the corner, next to a big tree. A tree that seems to be alive and well to the onlooker, but it never grows, it never changes. The smell of smoke surrounds her, and gazing up, she sights a young man carefully looking through some art work while balancing a cigarette between both lips. He studies the work with a friend, analyzing every aspect. Getting restless, he stands up, sets down the work and orders another coffee. A young couple around the corner are together, but also apart as they are both on their phones. Next to her, six grown business men sit around the smallest table... each one with a smile on his face. They lack fashion sense, but the jolly laughter filing the room makes up for all the knowledge they lack in dressing themselves. Around her life is happening, yet here she sits, next to a tree that never grows. It never changes.

*********************************************************************



God is not an idea to be thought about, he's not some abstract reality.

There is hope always.

To follow Jesus doesn't remove us from the stuff of life. It is not resolution. It is tension and journey. First John 2:6 states "whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." Jesus was in the world, engaged, alive, involved, making a difference. To follow him, we must do the same. His prayer for us in John 17 is "Not that you take them out of the world..." and "as you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." (verses 15,18) This is what God has done for us..

Watch this Christ. Watch as He is accused of being a drunkard, of associating with tax collectors. Watch as he brings healing to the afflicted, love to prostitutes, a forgiveness to sinners... Watch and fall in love with a God who does not resolve, whose rescue is never-ending. Whose prayer is that you would be that rescue. Who sends you to be that rescue. Be courageous.

-David Crowder, Praise Habit

refresh

Today has been such a refreshing day. I started off the morning feeling "off," with this overbearing feeling of not understanding myself, not understanding Father, and feeling as if i was living a life in which my faith was slowly dying. I spent the morning praying, journaling and trying to figure out what has changed in my heart since last summer. I know much has changed, and situations are different, and I'm missing family and friends more so than I have in the past, but what was I failing to admit, what was I not willing to 'give up?'

As I sat on my bed this morning the words "i give you my hopes and dreams ... in your hands... i belong to you" entered my mind and I realized that I have to trust Father now, that my hopes and dreams are in his hands... he promises us that in Jeremiah 29:11... I spent the next hour before leaving in prayer and reading some chapters of Psalms... around 11:45 S and I left for church. We went to the IBC (international baptist church), and the sermon was on exactly that-- allowing Father to have control...

God is all that I need to know for tomorrow, he's all that i need to know for today...

I was introduced to many amazing 'believers' today, all with a passion for Christ, and it was neat to see so many gather in worship. My heart is growing for this area... it's beginning to beat to a drum of worship... of praise, something that has been missing the past few days.

I leave for Koln on Saturday, and I'm excited to not only see J and P and the fam, not only to see LJ from Lbk or RB from Center, or CH, but to see a harvest I've so fallen in love with... I oh so miss the train system there, to see how things have and are changing... and the lessons i'll learn there to bring back to hamburg.. <3

you live a life that we could never live
you pay the price that none of us could pay
you came to die so that the dead might truly live
you gave the gift, that only you could give

words can't describe
songs can't convey
all you have done, we stand amazed
so may our lives, for the rest of our days
be acceptable to you