Today, as I was reading in Acts 4, I was reminded of what brought me to this year in Germany, and where my heart is currently lying. Today I found myself upset at the thought that I may never live permanently overseas, but Father reminded me of something great today...

"... grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus." And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." - Acts 4:29(b)-31


Well let me explain a little of my story, even if you already know it... In the beginning of my high school years, I was introduced to a book "The Iron Curtain" by Brother Andrew. I fell in love with the book, his story, and longed to live a life such as he. In fact since then, I challenged myself to pray for the 'iron curtain' - 10/40 window whenever my clock said 10:40 I would pray. Still to this day if i catch that time on a clock, I have to pray. I was a "leader" in the youth. Not a bad kid, I always seemed to have the "right" answers, but felt like something deeper was missing and I longed to be challenged. My sophomore/junior year I read Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, and also books such as "Cost of Discipleship," and of course Don't Waste your Life by John Piper (who DIDN'T read that?!). I was intrigued. I knew there was more. I knew I didn't want to get lost in things such as apologetics and know all the theology behind things. I just longed for more. My junior year I was at Hot Hearts, where I was approached by Brad, given a card for iWit and some literature and I went on my merry way. A few days later I found myself with a deep longing to go overseas. After meetings with my youth minister, it seemed as if my youth group would have the chance to go, but we hit some bruises and hiccups and with other things going on my youth minister ended up leaving, feeling called elsewhere (going to bacon heights, linley's church! - i need to throw that in, simply for kicks). I felt as if I had lost all support. Why was I dreaming this big? "Me? overseas? I never have money to go to camp, and that is only $200. " I didn't apply, but already a recommendation had been sent into iWit. Around February of my senior year I received a phone call from Ky, telling me they were interested in me applying based on the recommendation. I applied. Japan. By this time I had a new youth minister. I was told by the church staff I couldn't present the trip to the church and ask for support. I wanted to give up. Perhaps God wasn't calling me to this after all. Perhaps I was going for selfish reasons. I received all the money, I left and God broke my heart for his people, for the nations. I left Japan knowing this is what Father was calling me to... to speak his name, to live intentionally. Since then, He has taught me more. I'm learning that overseas or not, life is the same, people are the same, and most importantly my GOD, my KING, my SUSTAINER is the same. So thus, this heart that once beat for "being in a foreign land" is learning that wherever God calls her, whether that is Germany, Japan, Dallas or even places like San Angelo and the like, Texas, that there is life there, there ARE lives there calling out, calling out for a savior. I want to live intentionally, i want to Christ to use me, to live through me, to reach people through me. Even if that means I have a "normal" job, in a non-exotic place, in a culture that is very much my own. And you know, if he calls me overseas, dang. i'll go, but it's not a priority... where he leads, there i must follow.