I feel sometimes that we live in competition. We don't live for God. We live to be noticed. We don't live to even be noticed by God, but we live to be noticed by fellow believers. Look how godly I am! Look how much I know! Look what verses I can recite! Look and listen to me pray! Look how much in love I am with God! And then I sometimes stop and wonder... how disgusted is God with me, because I sometimes do this? We forget who we are worshiping. We get wrapped up in ourselves and our image, even fooling ourselves that we are "really" wrapped up in God. I want to look full in his wonderful face. I want the REALITY of him, even though it hurts, even though I may not know as much as the person who sits next to me at bible study, even if I don't raise my hands during worship, even if i do. If I have tattoos or don't. I'm tired of the "Christian culture" and i'm ready to know God.

"For I know my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth. And after all my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me." - Job (19 25-27)